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Home > Dating Advice > Ask Brian > Question/Answer > Readers Respond |
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 READERS RESPOND |
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Senior Widower Seeks Man
Comment from Tom
Dear Frank, Go for it. You are old enough to know that life can stop on a dime and before you know it you could meet someone. It helps to realize that everyone is anxious when meeting a potential partner. Answer those ads and go on a date. You are not committing to a relationship just a cup of coffee with someone to talk to. The only regrets I have are the opportunities I did not take advantage of. Stop looking at what you perceive to be your faults and focus on the good qualities you know you have. Good Luck to you.
Comment from jsan0813
I understand what Frank is going through. I just became single and at my age 52 is not easy to find a compatible person, it seem like every guy wants someone either young or with a nice body. What happen to just us regular guys. Frank you just have to take the chance and go out and meet guys that are really interested in serious about the dating, don't be afraid. The first couple of time going out on date is going to feel weird but after that you will start to feel better. Just take your time and the right guy will come around, check my profile and see if we are a match.
Comment from Franklin
Dear Frank, what Brian says is right. You should overcome your shyness a little and give a man the chance to know you and you to be known. Do not judge some one just for his picture face. Judge him after meeting him, talking to him, and feeling him. Good look and go on the searching.
Comment from Bruce
I am not sure where Frank lives. I had the same problem and I am 70 yrs old. I also have the same physical problem. The best thing I did was take the bull by the horns and went to a nude birthday party with a friend. Boy did that ever break the ice. I have been enjoying life ever since and I also have a great sex relationship with a guy. You have to just get yourself off the pity trip and ride the rail to happiness. I also feel a lot younger. And the invites to nude parties just keep coming. Good luck.
Comment from Don
Being on the other end a senior wanting to meet a nice lady I am sure the gentlemen (at least some ) would love to meet you even if only for a cup of coffee. It never hurts to meet perhaps in a pre determined place. probably a very public one so both can see face to face what the other is like and let the personalities either mesh or perhaps decide if you or he would like to continue and see where it would lead. I do agree that pictures do not always portray what a person really is. Even a chat or a few e mails are not always the end solution but at least a start. The only way to really get to know a person is to meet at some point and let nature take it's course. Myself, although I view many beautiful ladies on this site, I realize in person they may be a lot different. I would never suggest meeting at your place or his for the first time and it doesn't hurt if either of you bring along a friend just to be on the safe side. If there is interest (on both sides) then meeting alone if you feel that you can trust each other perhaps leave the friend at home. NEVER just take for granted what is in an essay to be the only thing. after all we all hope to put on our best side and appearance. In real life things can be much different. Getting to know someone sometimes takes time. One thing try to not ask a lot of personal questions but let him tell you as he is ready and do not give out personal info unless you choose even if he asks. That decision should be given only when feel you are ready. But try to find out as much as you can first before meeting or giving out PH numbers ETC; we all are looking for happiness and hopefully we will find what we want. There are a lot of men and women that do not have the chance to meet that special person in their everyday lives so we turn to sites like this. Myself I try to go more by the profile and essays first and let the physical appearance take a backseat. Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. a beautiful woman or a handsome man can be great. But then so can those of us who are not so perfect. Sometimes (most times) it is the inside that really counts. I would say give someone a chance, if it doesn't work out there are others, do not get discouraged
Comment from jjx222l
You, sound like a lot of the men I meet on the net... You, talk like you want to meet, but when it comes down to it you are either a no show or wont make a commitment to meet. Jim
Comment from vkdaggett
Frank, you sound like you have some real inner conflicts about considering yourself "bi". You are curious about sexuality with a man, but not enough to explore it, and you have feelings for women. What I hear is that, more than any kind of sexual need, you have a need for companionship and love. You sound incredibly lonely. The first thing that needs to happen for you is that you need to feel less needy and desperate, so you don't scare off the nice people. Paradoxically, you have to give of yourself first...you don't get first. You have been focusing on what you need, and what you're missing. Focus on what you have to give, and give it unstintingly. That is why people keep telling you to do volunteer work, not specifically to meet people, but to pull you out of your self-absorption. Embrace things that make you feel good, and whole...art, music, exercise...whatever makes you feel reverent and part of the universe. Then, start to meet people differently. Stop thinking of impressing others, or trying to get things to go as you want. Focus instead on getting to really know the people who cross your path. Listen, ask questions, try hard to understand. The world is thirsty for the compassion a 70 year old person has. Be gentle with yourself and others, and word will get around that you're a terrific guy to spend time with.
Comment from macfreehand
I to feel the same was as Frank. Meeting another man can be daunting. I've been trying for years through these various personals. Lately I have worked up the courage and actually followed through and have met 3 different men on three different occasions. All were busts. It is disheartening, but I keep trying. I may be alone, BUT I'm not lonely. Or so I keep telling myself. I know I have a lot of good qualities, and I'm willing to compromise, but just to seek a FRIENDSHIP [I keep my expectations realistic] just doesn't seem to be in the cards. I will never be able to say I didn't give it a go. I remain the eternal optimist. I also see that these various personals web sites are making a good living off the simple fact that they know people WILL NOT successfully connect. But, as I said, I DO remain positive and eventually I will connect with another guy.
Comment from asayes1
Frank I have a lot of negative things like you always had, woman and men hitting on me, now at 63 I am the old man from the mountain... 25 lbs over weight, soft penis, have to use Viagra. It's distressing but I think you should first get a network of friends gay bi or otherwise, concentrate on people being nice smile even when it hurts because you can have sex with anybody, that doesn't mean you are committed.
Comment from ps4478
I know how Frank feels. I am 52 and have met some men over the internet and had lunch and/or a drink. But nothing ever seems to come of it. They never call back nor do they keep in contact via computer. I have decided that I am to live out the rest of my life alone.
Comment from Patrick
Hello Frank, I'm also a senior gay man and I find the same fears within myself. I find myself, now, looking at men in my own age group or within a few years and I find myself being much more comfortable with them. You know as we age things that were higher up are now beginning to creep lower, etc.. I, too, want to find a man to love and cherish and hold and create new memories with. To hold and be held is so important and I don't realize how important it is until I have that experience and the wonderful feeling which come after and during these encounters. I would enjoy an evening with you to carry this discussion on at greater length. At the very least we COULD develop a friendship and who knows what can follow. Photos are deceiving; we are not even sure who the photos are of. Knowing what we are getting into in a discussion, I feel, sets the ground work for a fun time talking about our fears, our hopes, our loves, our lives and maybe even our future. I say, go for it, and trust in the magic of life. What is there to lose? Some fears?
Comment from iwillifyouwill
I do NOT agree with Brian in his advice to Frank concerning that "most seniors do not apply love in the same fashion younger people do, but towards them as parents would" sort of things. I am a senior, and, emotional love is A TOP PRIORITY above physical love when it comes to considering a relationship with anyone, whether male or female or neuter for that matter. However, I AM in agreement with Brian's advice for Frank not to just plain give up, but to "go after" those who HAVE indicated some sort of an interest in him. Just because they do not do a continued thing does not mean that they have lost interests at all --- they may be anticipating Frank to BE more aggressive since he is the senior of the relationship. Stay celibate!!
Comment from Martina
Frank, I would recommend you first to focus on knowing the person better and then expecting more out of it. I believe that you are afraid of a failure "what if it doesn't work". If you change your mind set and go for "experiencing new", you will not need to have any fear. Bush your boundaries a bit and you might be very positively surprised about outcome.
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