How can I win her heart?
Comment from BecomingMore
When I hear a man ask what he can "DO" to MAKE a woman think, feel, do or say whatever, I get uncomfortable. Maybe there are women out there who operate like a vending machine: put in a few coins, push the right button and out pops the candy. But I feel really devalued when I suspect that a man is thinking along those lines. I am equally dismayed when I hear women give him advice like some of Brenda's. That only makes things worse for me. I will say that the last 4 items on her list were more along the lines of what I would need to see. I want to see a man who IS something good and right for its own sake, not just a man who DOES something good and right in order to get a reaction from a woman. Dave, answer these questions for yourself: Who are you really? Would you want your sister/daughter to date a guy like you, regardless of whether he says the right things to her? (No sister or daughter? Okay, if some female that you actually respect and admire were to meet a guy like you...not counting this girl.) If something were to happen to you so that you'd never have the opportunity to date a woman ever again (say you were in a horrible disfiguring accident that removed many body parts... I know that's gross, but I'm trying to make this really plain and simple. If my example doesn't work, come up with a good one.), what kind of person would you want to become? For your own satisfaction and peace of mind? Being with a woman has a way of exposing whether or not you value yourself or whether or not you actually care about being valuable. If you care about cultivating your own valuable character, she will be attracted. If you don't, you are setting yourself and any woman up for frustration.
Comment from warpedoak
OMG. If you like this girl DON'T DO THAT!! Don't be a wussy. Get the double your dating series by David DeAngelo. It helped me a lot. I swear by it. Hey, do the free thing and sign up for his free news letter. You'll catch the idea real quick. Plus he doesn't SPAM you. Hope you read this in time.
Comment from johnnybgood
Most of all Dave, be yourself!!!
Comment from sreiling72
Dave, if there's one thing I can honestly tell you, it's that Brenda's advice is complete tripe. NEVER ask a woman (especially one with a column) how to win a woman. All of the advice she just gave you is great. if you want to be her doormat and FRIEND.Don't be stupid. Surely you know some men who are very successful in the dating game. Ask THEM for your own good.
Comment from niroj
If you want to win her heart... First thing you have to believe in yourself and God... secondly if your love is true ....She will be yours. You show her how much you care about falling for her ...If some thing happen to her in her family go and help. Be frank. I don't know Dave but best of luck.
Comment from augustine
Good day, thanks for the advice, what if I say all this to her, she refuses to listing to me, what step will I take? because, I am use to action, as a black man, you know action speaks louder than words from mouth.
Comment from chucks_kc
Call her up and play her a song!
Comment from Mike
Be different. remember, beautiful women get approached by men about 20 tmes (!) daily. Give her space, don't call all the time. Give her the opporunity of missing you. Don't come across as needy. Convey the message that you're the one who chooses who he wants to be with.
Comment from kingsam2
I don't know but I'm a direct man. Can't say something that I can't believe. Sorry.
Comment from mysmermaid
If you haven't met yet, be honest. Don't say you're 5'10" tall when you are 5'8 1/2"! Be honest about your looks. Athletic doesn't mean you played football 25 years ago and all you have done since is ride your Harley and watch football while your waist expands. You don't like it when the photo is 10 years old and neither do we. Nothing starts a meeting off worse than these obvious 'omissions'. It makes us wonder what else you will tell us that is not true. Trust and feeling safe is important for a woman. Also, read the profile first! If the woman says she has sensitive skin and doesn't like beards when you are a mountain man, don't bother, unless you are ready to shave yours off and tell her so! If she says she wants someone close to her age, don't be 20 years younger. Honesty is the best policy.
Comment from karina
Yes, Brenda is really right. Any girl needs to be treated with respect, kindness and care. You have to try to be a gentle guy each time you are near her. Always tell her that she is important and that you feel something nice for her. You should also listen to her, specially when she has a trouble or simply some words to say, but what you always have to do is help her to become a better person or succeed in life Do you agree with me. So that she would realize what she means to you, she would see that you truly care if you acted this way for sure. Well, I hope you take my advice; you will win the heart of your girl sooner than you think. good luck mate.
Comment from madumi
Every time you are with him please remind him that he is so special, unique and he mean a lot to you without him on your side your are nothing and him too he would not go anywhere or stay comfortable or live a simple life without you, you are both special to one another and you need one another, today or not today but 2moro take care and be strong!
Comment from Free15
I think there is need to show her some amount of love that put her on the line. thanks.
Comment from Babatunde
Just keep on advising more people, you really show way for people that doesn’t know ways - so keep on encouraging more people, may GOD help you [Amen].
Comment from Dames587
Disregard everything Brenda said...lol. Not to be mean or anything...but girls may say they like nice guys. But in reality all attractive women desire a challenge and chase the guys that are elusive and kind of self-centered/confident, at first anyways...That's why you see all attractive females hooking up with the so called tough guy...I personally think those guys are dorks, but if I want to get an attractive girls attention I have to be the complete opposite of what Brenda said....Sad but true. Girls get approached by nice guys all days...and they never go for them. Even if they disagree with this logically, there nature can not. I wish beautiful women were not so confusing...but I guess they need to be to ward of all the dorks that approach them daily...kind of screws it up for cool guys like myself..lol I'll figure it out someday soon.
The problem I have with some of this is if done too soon, the lady begins to see you as "too needy" and might be uncomfortable with putting her on a pedestal. It's tough to figure as personality types differ. Dependable, honest, trustworthy, and interesting are paramount though, I would agree. I would keep a bit of mystery going however. I was badly hurt recently by someone who perceived my kindness as a weakness. Now I'm playing the field at 52 and reverting back, sadly enough, to my days as a bit of a "flirty wiseacre": And you know something: it seems to attract them. In essence much of the romance stuff works better once she's hooked but gauging how soon is surely the trick.
Be up front and honest with your feelings. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Comment from violet
love and always care for her , be honest to her.
Don't gamble anything you can't afford to lose.
Comment from Alice5357
Dave- Just be yourself! Let her know who you really are and love will come naturally. One gives of themselves freely or not at all. I believe you don't win ones heart it is given with no strings attached! Come on! you deserve happiness ,Open up you heart and see what happens!
Comment from TC
Brenda's wrong. Be too nice to her, she'll dump you. Be a jerk and she'll think she can "change you". I've seen too many jerks be with hot women. I know I'm right. #1 make sure she actually has a heart or none of the above will work. Trust me; there are some woman whose hearts can not be won. This is a sad and sorry truth....
Comment from Mike
David DeAngelo would tell you to make fun of her in some small way; tease her, be unpredictable, DON'T do what thousands of drunk guys in bars have been doing all her life. Challenge her, in a fun way.
Comment from Harald
Do everything the opposite Brenda said, except being interesting
Comment from carebear
Dave everything Brenda has said is very true .Dave don't be desperate , first think of all the things Brenda has said to you and make sure that you mean everything you say or don't say it ,if your not sincere you may win her heart but you won't be able to keep it .Always listen I mean listen to what she is saying do little things for her, make her feel special to you and for sure you'll be special to her and don't smother her allow her to be her own person you know the one you love as well as trustworthy you must be trusting but most of all Dave, be you ,because if you can't be you, you can't be anyone good luck Dave you sound like a good person [because you care ]
Comment from imlinda
It's not so much what you say to a girl...Showering with praise is always nice but going overboard can give her a feeling that you aren't really sincere. The key is to listen to what she says, acknowledge that you listened by repeating key words when answering or by taking her to a place and saying...I remember you said you missed this (whatever it was) and so I brought you here (a place that has to do with whatever it was)...I think you get the idea. Even of you don't agree with every thing she says...never be-little it. If you are looking for an opening line, don't say anything to belittle yourself...make your approach with confidence. Say something to ask her out that you got from her ad and ask her a closed ended question...example...I see you like roller coasters and I have 2 tickets to a theme park, what day is good for you?... or I see you like scary movies...I do to. They’re playing a double feature at the drive in would you like to go this Friday or Saturday?.... by asking the question in a way that doesn't illicit a yes or no answer you are less likely to get "no."
Be yourself. I'm sure you are not as crude as all the women on this site think men are.
How can he win her heart? Make lots of money and tell her you'll never want fellatio.
Comment from jbilou_nour
be cool all the time when you're with her, and tell her that she's the wonderful girl u have ever seen, and be near and near and near by her, and tell her all the sweetest words ...... never let her pass u by, 'cos I'm sure you're going to win her heart and her love too.
Suck her toes while she giggles. When she quits laughing, tell her you have always wanted to seduce a woman with a high IQ.
I would like to tell Dave that if he tells a woman these things she might very well run for the hills. If these things are told to someone too early in a relationship then they aren't taken as true. Please, please hold off on telling these things until the relationship has progressed to a level that is ready for these things to be said....
Comment from neduto
If something seems to good to be true,,it usually is,, be careful. lol,, no, just kidding,, tell her you ADORE her, and start calling her Honey, or sweety. ok, other than that,, I just lost the love of my life, because I don't make enough Money!!! Man,, that's Hard.
Comment from zillusions
Be honest and find small things to praise her about, such as her eyes
Comment from toniwithani
Dave, only tell her what you feel in your heart, it has to be real or it is not worth saying. If you truly believe she is beautiful, don't be afraid to say it. Don't be afraid to be totally yourself or you will surely fall short when it comes time to really know you. If that is not who you are, then it is deceiving, and the other person is disappointed.
Comment from Mal_65
Don't be an 'avoider'. Don't be so afraid of true happiness you avoid it.
Be real. You will continue to enjoy the look and presence of other women and girls.
He doesn't need to tell her she's beautiful she already knows that. Now he can compliment her on her hair style or color or on her dress. He needs to be a good listener. When she talks he needs to be concentrating on her. He needs to be attentive to her.
Comment from carpenterdude31
Just tell her the truth. This sounds so simple, but is so true. If you think she is beautiful, tell her so and why you think so. Tell her all the things that you like about her. But use wisdom, too much too soon may just be flattery , and telling her everything that you think she could use some improvement on all at once is usually not a good idea either. Being totally honest about who you are, what you are looking for, and how you think she fits into that picture is the only way to go. There are a few obvious exceptions to this advice, if she asks "does this outfit make me look fat?, and it does, lie like your life depended on it!
Comment from WhatsMissing
Dave, what does it mean to "truly win a girl's heart"? Every con artist knows that the eyes can be tools for buttering a person with exaggerated sincerity. They can tell a person that you are listening to them, that you care about the person between their ears, that you are sincerely reliable, and to bully the impression that you are an authority. The girl in question has to do her part as well. She has to be in that phase of her life where the kind of relationship she is looking for is the same as what you are looking for. If she has low self esteem, then she may not feel that she deserves a full and rewarding relationship. You need to get her trust, remind her that you are a special man, and get her mind into the gutter, before you can trigger her surrender reflex.
Comment from maxwelltheshark
buy her a new car!
Comment from crs12
Though I agree with Brenda's answer, it does not always work, so consider this before you go totally devoting yourself to someone. I did all those things and more for my last girlfriend. I bent over backwards to keep her happy. She would always tell me how great I am to her, and how she's never been so happy in her life. Then one day she just stopped calling, returning my calls, coming around, and she just plain avoided me. I didn't do anything wrong- nor were we fighting. 2 weeks later while I was away, she came over and moved all her stuff out of my place- no note, no call, and to this day, no explanation. As you probably figured out, I was devastated. After 2 years of some great times with someone, you at least owe me a goodbye. I'm over it now, but I'm wiser to the fact that sometimes, no matter what you do, all your efforts might not be good enough.
Comment from pradeep
Yes this is 100% correct and one more thing you tell her that she wants with you always . You can't live without her.
Do the exact opposite of this!
Comment from ericmilan007
Tease her like you would your little sister. Doing all that mushy stuff is just going to make her get bored with you. If you are going to give her a complement, follow up with something sarcastic.
B.S. Dave Dave............come on if she's not attracted to you she will never be by "what you say" You have to figure out what she is attracted to. Most likely she will be attracted to your style, looks, money, fame, grooming habits, clothes you wear, how you talk etc . Good looking women hear about how they look all the time, you have to say something different, something interesting. Most likely you will have to be a little standoffish but funny at the same time. NEVER seem needy, always feel confident and sure and she will sense that and want more!!!!!!!!
Comment from Roadhouse214
All of the things you suggested are good, but the key is the interesting part. Believe it or not, it seems that many people never get out of that Jr. High mentality. By that I mean if you are chasing too much or are too dependable, you are not as interesting to a woman. I mean don't always be available at her beck and call, but by all means if plans are made, be dependable enough to follow through. You are not as interesting to a woman if she thinks you have no life outside of her sphere, she will most likely take you for granted. You remember how it was in Jr. High when you pursued that girl of your dreams and may not have gotten the response you hoped for, but when you stopped chasing her, suddenly you had their attention? Many adults are they same way. Let her know she is the most important thing to you, but you do have a life of your own. Then if things don't work out as you hope, you will not be in for as big of a fall since you will have a life to go on with.
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