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He suddenly stopped calling... Why?
Janine, I see this all the time. Just ignore him at work, be very cold, don't look in his eyes, don't give him the chance to talk to you, walk away from him.
Comment from felix64
I think, because I am a man, he is afraid to tell you something. I don't want to speculate about anything bad or good. I think you need to talk to him. In my opinion you should take your time and talk to him. I believe you are starting top fall in love of him, that's ok but to make sure you are not going to give a wrong step just talk to him and let him know that your friendship must be honest, and comprehensive. Let him know that you don't need him to go out with you but that you want to know if he trusts you. Show him friendship and may be you can get the real answer nobody else knows but him. Come on don't be afraid to ask. Anyway you don't have an stablished relationship yet. So go ahead and believe in you.
My advice is to read and then re-read Brenda's advice.........because I think the answer to the questions are tucked neatly into Brenda's thoughtful answer!
Comment from Eve50
You're letting him know he can do anything with you he wants, anything! If he asks you to do something with him again say, sure if my new friend doesn't mind. Chance's are he will stop playing mind games with you, even if any of 1 one of the 4 four thing's Brenda is saying are true. Either way you are taking abuse from someone that could be even worse than you could ever imagine!! It's not worth trying to find out his problem. Stop!!
Comment from tuazcat
I think she needs to "close the deal", by responding to his next flirting suggestion, "OK, great! Let's go _______ and do________ at ______(date/time/location)? If he does not want to do that, ask for his suggestion, "since it obvious that we both enjoy each others company?" Put his "feet to the fire". If nothing else, you will get some enjoyment out of watching him squirm? He may well need someone to help suggest things, and can LOCK down a time/place? Give him enough rope to hang himself....or pull him out of a hole he may have dug himself into?
Comment from Elaine
I would advise Janine to move on and keep fishing until she catch a great fish. There a lot of live and healthy fish out there. Don't waste time to wait for him to make a move. Good Luck!!
Comment from 2look4me
I think you should come right out and ask him what is going on. Communication is so important when connecting with people. Try not to put him on the defense as Brenda may be right about some of his issues. Try to say something like "You know I really enjoy talking with you but I sense that you may be somewhat uncomfortable with me". This may lead him to ask why you would think that and you can tell him your concerns and what he is doing. Men have just as much trouble dealing with conflict as women do except we don't have a problem expressing it like they may have. So help him out and see what happens. It just may turn out to be what Brenda has said, and in which case you can just move on. There are other nice men out there who would love to get to know you. Good Luck!
Comment from admassey
Your are not his top pick but right now he has no number 1 draft pic so he keeps you until the better pick comes along. The rest of Brenda's analysis is bs… especially the gay issue.
Comment from heart2heart01
Janine should move on if being involved in a healthy relationship is her ultimate goal. It may be that he doesn't care for some characteristic you possess that took a few dates for him to realize, and though he likes you, may not be able to get past, and he knows it, and is separating himself from you as a result while still trying to remain friends. Sometimes it's closeness at a level he's not ready for; sometimes it's a perception on his part of walls closing in, and the freedom of being single losing ground. Sometimes it's as simple as one person being a smoker, and the other a non-smoker... there can be a physical attraction, intimacy, and chemistry, but if he's a non-smoker, that first kiss when you meet can taint the whole evening even if you don't smoke the whole time you're with him. In short, he doesn't want to be involved with you at the level you're seeking....it's time to move on if you're looking for a more meaningful relationship. And remember, baby steps... revealing too soon that your frontal lobotomy in 92 did wonders... may be something he doesn't really need to know on the first date.
Comment from Sara
I had the same problem, for a while there he acted like he really liked me, and then it just became a sexual thing, he would say he needed help doing things for his house, and then he never called back, and I realize that he wasn't worth it, and I meant a better guy, one that was willing to spend time with me, and not one that wanted to go out when he didn't have anything to do or because at the time he only had one thing in mind. I say, keep looking there is someone for everyone out there. I just decided I was better than that and I deserve someone that was willing to be there with me.
Comment from smileye
Hey Janine, I know exactly how you feel. I've got one that is not calling either, but told me how much he likes me. We went out 3 times. On the third date, we did the deed. I'm personally questioning myself as to whether or not I did or said something wrong. I've sent him a few emails with just small talk, but he hasn't answered. I've called him a couple of times for less than 2 minutes, he says he will call back later, but never does. I really like this guy a lot, but am backing away from calls an emails. I do feel hurt that he won't call me back, so I'm trying to let go. I really thought that we could develop something nice very slowly. I really don't understand men at all. I've even tried reading the Mars and Venus book, but even that doesn't make sense, lol. I wish you luck, Ellie
Comment from papernot
I would agree more or less with no.1 in your list. I think that while they were dating he felt a connection that he wasn't ready for. Or, he felt that she was getting too close and he wasn't ready for that, which identifies with the intimacy issues. It could also be that he wanted to know where she was coming from and waited for her to call him. It could be that, as I've heard men express over the years, he wanted her to call and share in the planning. It could also be that he got what he wanted sexually but didn't want a relationship hence he stopped calling, but wouldn't mind getting "more", and therefore hinted at getting together so that she would make the first move and then the onus would be on her. In any case, he's a jerk and a coward and she's better off without him. Good for her for not going after him.
Comment from yani
He’s not into her!!! She’s not the right deal for him and he just wants to get her off his back when he has to see her.
Comment from lookingup7777
I think that Janine is too available. Every time he wants to get together, she just tells him to call. Maybe next time she needs say that she is or will be busy. Or she could say, "Well, give me a call, maybe if I don't have plans we can get together." That is making him think he has been put on the back burner and possibly for someone else. When women appear unavailable to men, it makes the guy more attracted to the woman.
Read "He's Just Not That Into You" Simple as that.
Comment from HeartsDesire01
I would advise Janine to wait until the next time this happens and then politely tell him that she's sorry, but she isn't interested in getting together with him. Maybe this will put a stop to his game playing. It doesn't matter which of the four possible reasons above apply to him. He's just not worth the time and trouble to worry about.
Comment from dancindiva
If a man wants to go out with you he will pursue you… bottom line!! If he doesn't you don't have to rescue him, let him be, getting on with your life, build your self worth women and stop judging it upon whether a man gives you attention or not. You are beautiful, intelligent, smart and intuitive. Never forget this....!!
Comment from Armin
Brenda misses one important reason. He might have encountered a trait of your personality he absolutely doesn't want to deal with in a long-term relationship, so he's cutting it while people aren't hurt too badly. He's also not telling you the truth so he won't hurt you (or to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, if he's such a person).
Comment from trnsl8r
Forget about this person as a candidate for a possible serious relationship. If you like him. Okay, wait, I had... have the same problem with this one guy. I mean, he was supposedly making plans for marriage... for God's sake! All of the sudden, he stopped calling me and then started calling me again but of course, I wouldn't answer his calls so he would leave me messages saying he'd been stupid and he was very sorry to have played with my feelings. He gave me the "it's not you, it's me" talk and said I was the best thing that ever happened to him but he just wasn't ready yet. OK, fine... I was devastated for him doing what he did but once he apologized I realized that even though I really wasn't in love with this guy anymore, I still liked him and asked if he wanted to stay friends and that if he did, we could be friends w/benefits... no strings attached. He said he couldn't believe I would still be willing to date him and of course he said yes to my offer an d we now see each other about once a month for a nice evening together while I'm still looking for the right person to come along. So in other words I guess he's basically gone from Mr. Right to Mr. Right Now and I'm happy with this arrangement. So anyway, go ahead and play along with him. Don't give him too much importance and NEVER make him feel like he means ANYTHING to you. Just have fun while you look (and find) your one true love. Wish you the best of luck!
Comment from Bryan
Ha Janine, just a thought I wanted to share with you. I think he is a player!! He is keeping you in reserve just in case his other doesn't work out. Or married. This is my opinion. I hope you meet someone else.
Comment from lilmiss4729
Janine, I know the way you feel, I'm actually going through the same thing for the first time in my life...I never had any problems with guys calling or asking me out, but it seemed to change as I got older, I've been newly divorced and I thought I would try cyber-dating, it worked out, I met a wonderful guy, we have a lot in common, we met online, we talked for awhile, then we met, we had a great time and we felt like we had known each other for a long time, but then he stopped calling, stopped talking to me online and I couldn't understand why......I finally found out I confronted him on this and he just wants to start out as friends and go from there, so he's scared of commitment, but the guy that you are talking about you, seems like he's playing you, he wants to see how much attention he can still get from you.....stop giving him attention, you want him, then you have to ignore him and go and show him you don't need him and to make sure you have a good time doing it......and ask someone out that is in the same company, guys don't like too much competition, especially if you're having fun......I would pretend to have fun and laugh even if you weren't having it, you'll see how much he changes his attitude.....
Comment from Dansk1
Reason 4 sounds closest to the truth.
Comment from 33rodster
What about the situation of the unwritten rule of a work policy of not dating fellow workers. "Don't fish off the company pier." Maybe someone at work heard that he was going out with her and told a story about her. Maybe she has dated other people at work. Did she put out??? Unfortunately, workers can be like school mates kidding one about who they like or are seeing. I know myself the worst thing that has ever happen to me in dating is was when a relationship did not work out when I was dating someone in a in a corporate setting. No to mention the girl was a daughter of a middle manager of the same company. Fellow workers take sides. You are at work to work not to socialize. Beware.
Comment from Rockstar52874
Or...he just doesn't like her. He's trying to be nice by telling her by flirting with her...at least he thinks he is. In other words, he's terrified of letting her down. This is the most plausible.
Comment from nittamary
For me, the situation is the next, when he is suggesting invitation to go out, he is expecting you have the initiative for calling him, at that way wherever happen is not his responsibility and he doesn't have serious intention, but he likes be seductive always. Perhaps he is not ready for you?
Comment from jewel
Dear Janine. I think since you work for the same company he might not want to mix business with pleasure or maybe he doesn't know how to say NO to you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings whenever you approach him to call you? If I was you I would just move on... It's obvious he isn't interested! Sounds to me like he is also playing you. Next time he says he wants to get together just tell him you are busy and can't go! Some men like women that play hard to get.
You flirt with him and suggest you want to go out and you'll call him.....and never call him... Give him the same soup...
Comment from WiserLadyNow
Definitely forget him. You deserve a committed date, someone who is a man of his word! Write me anytime as you sound nice! We can chat and support each other while we are trying to find our next dates and the future husbands!
Comment from kat
Forget him, something is not normal. When a man likes a woman, it is natural to go out.
Work out more, don't tell him about your kids, stop putting it on him - it’s your fault.
Comment from Sylvia
Janine should treat this man very casually and not take him seriously, if possible totally ignore him. Some men if they feel a woman has lost interest all their boundaries disappear and they take positive action if not; he is genuinely not interested in Janine.
Comment from rch4star
I would have to add he's a coward. And he lacks compassion & empathy. He is self centered and does not care how bad he makes woman feel. If I were a psychologist, I would also say he shows signs of being a sociopath, who have no remorse or guilt for the pain they cause. This type of behavior runs thru all aspects of ones personality. I would avoid him like the plague, & stay as far away from him as possible. Of course, when you avoid a man like this, they usually come running back for the "chase". Be pleasant, back off slowly & methodically.
Comment from carolinalady1950
The next time he mentions going out to a specific event, I would say, sorry, I already have. Plans, a date, a prior engagement. I would not say ok, call me. I would be very cool towards him and make every effort to avoid having small talk with him.
Comment from sponske
Janine, just ask him why he doesn't call you!, or you call him ... simple!
Comment from Hugo k raj
I hope that person is just trying to have sex and money from you. But from your side one is low or not much. I feel strongly this must be a reason. Please be away from him.
Comment from tuananh
Let forget him. He doesn't want to date you, that's the only reason. It is very impolite not to phone you. Take care and stay out of trouble. Dont let him make you sad.
Comment from islandmanstx
Call him!
Comment from Mrbluefrost
If you don't want to date him don't worry about what's going on in his head what are you going to run home and warn all your girl friends that he's a jerk who cares forget him and move on
Comment from andy
Jeez Janine, you said nothing in here about telling him how you feel and nothing about if you have ever called him. It might be something else but from what I'm reading it sounds like he's the one doing all the chasing and is quite simply sick it. Chances are he's trying to suss if you truly are keen on him, waiting for you to call him. Sure it's it is stupid and indirect but gals are just of guilty of 'not just saying so' about things like this. Just as its stupid that he feels the need to wait for you to call to see if you are really keen on him, it is also stupid that you won't simply call him and say 'so when do you wanna go out'. He has already said he likes you a lot so your the one hold the ball. Grrr, stupid non communicational humans, (what's worse I'm guilty of it as well.) I guess on some level we all believe that if we ask direct question won't get truthful answers and resort to 'testing' the other person to find out the truth.
Comment from Doug T
Dear Janine, You should add a few more reasons to your list to why men do not date this woman any more. 1 the woman has poor personal hygiene 2 the woman might need dental work 3 the woman might have had surgery and the man does not like scars 4 the woman might drink to much and it takes a while to find out about her 5 the woman is a flirt while being out with this man, he will still talk to her but does not want her I'm surprised that Brenda would be so shallow to give just the answers she gave and there are more possible answers to the problem. You make the man sound very superficial which is not the case. If you are going to answer a problem then think the problem out from both sides, not just from a woman's point of view
Comment from rattlelove
Dear Janine, I think he is a coward or he is flirting with you . Don't think about him anymore. Find some other guy. What about me? Ha Ha joking you will definitely find many guys around and may be you can find a far better person than him. Don't feel guilty life is too short to waste time. So hurry up , Pull your socks and start searching for other one. God will help you out. Don't feel bad if I said something wrong. But do think about my advice. Tomorrow try to find a nice suitable guy for yourself. He is not worth your love and care. What about me? Ha Ha
Comment from Seafan
Forget him and move on. He may like her some, but not enough to date. Don't waste another moment thinking about it.
Comment from Emily
I knew a guy that told me he was falling in love with me, and introduce me to some of his family members, and then seems to just call when he wanted something like help with bills, decorating his house or every 2 weeks to have a sexual encounter with. I finally realize after a month of this that I was getting used for when he wanted someone on his terms and not any body else’s. I guess I was good enough to help around the house or to have sex with, but not a commitment with. he said he had just got done a year ago with a woman that he was going to marry, and she decided she didn't want to marry him, all along he was being a user. there is other fish in the sea.
Comment from Adam
Good advice from Brenda, most probable, is he is avoiding conflict, is afraid to say " I don't really care for you, lets just go our own way." Typical male response scared of confrontation. Basically he has no balls.
Comment from richizy
Janine, If he was into you he would be dating you! You said it yourself you don't want to date someone like him anyway! This may sound simple and that's cause it is "ASK HIM" the questions you have. One more thing, if you work together...... My advice is don’t even go there!!! Good Luck.
Comment from sandeep
Forget and find new friend for dating
Comment from fisher_mn
That's right, there's got to be something wrong with the man, NOT! If Janine is interested in dating the guy, why doesn't she ask him out? Maybe he is looking for a woman to show some interest in him back, and maybe Janine is being noncommittal in her responses to him. Why can't women take the initiative once in a while? If I'm dating a woman and she doesn't show much interest back, I might stop calling her and wait for her to call me. Guys aren't interested in chasing women around forever if they aren't getting positive feedback. Bottom line: Why doesn't she just ask him why? Maybe Janine has some communication issues. If you want to know what a guy is thinking, ask him, not some feminist advice columnist!
Comment from TahoeBo
Janie, I'm sorry but I think he is avoiding conflict and that he doesn't want to date you. My advice is to move on... just be pleasant to him. When he next suggest getting together, I'd say no thank you... or no, I don't think that we should or something like that. He just doesn't want to get into anything with you when he sees you but if he were interested he would have called. Move on, girl!
In my opinion, you are being unclear as well as he is. You're giving him the opportunity to hold off. The next time he suggests you "get together", don't ask him to give you a call, but immediately ask him to pick you up at a specific time and place. Be clear, and see what his response is. If he wants to go cruising, cruise and see what happens. If he wants to show you his computer game, even better. Go home with him and make an obvious pass. If he doesn't respond to that, he's probably gay anyway.
Comment from Prophetgriffint
Hello Janine, What's happening is you need to change your fragrance what I mean is men smell and what he’s smelling is needy and desperation so back off and if I may say just be quite for a while and let God lead you through it all.
Comment from patrick
He is involved with another woman is best answer or perhaps he is just an all out player. You should find someone else.
How about "he's just not that into" her??
Comment from Lor
You missed the point. Janine keeps saying "give me a call". Just say "OK, how about this evening". Then the date can't be put off if he is at all interested. Or he may be much more specific. She gives him space to back away. She should also read your featured book.
Comment from luckiedog
Or the obvious, after 5 dates you didn't have sex with him, or you did. One of the 2, if a woman is not interested in sex, that needs to come out by then. And if you did maybe you needed to turn it up a notch and flirt back and make him feel like a man. With all the single women in the world....you do have a lot of competition.
Let him go, it's obvious he is not together or he would do as he says, and date you. Whatever the reason, quit losing time and focus on what you want to find... like the book says, move on....
Comment from okbookman
Maybe his finances have taken a dive and he still wants to go out with you but he cannot afford to!
Janine, hi, my name is junior and I have been living in North Carolina since November of 1991. I purchased a mobile home about 10 years ago. About 4 years ago, my neighbor moved next door. Two years later I had the courage to finally go and knock on her door. It was on Sunday. We talked for about 40 minutes. I was very nervous. I introduce myself as the "next door neighbor". Is July of 2005 and I still don't know her and she still doesn't know me either. She has a daughter and she is about may be 10 years old. I don't have children and I’m single. She is white and I'm Hispanic.
I would like to know why a lot of women out there always acting like I'm sorry but I'm seeing someone else. And I know that a lot of them are only telling stories about dating somebody else.
Comment from Vickie in Oklahoma
Read the book "He's Just Not That into You"!!!! I have a jerk treating me similarly and this book really hit the mark... He's just not that into me or he'd call.
Comment from WhatsMissing
Janine, Brenda's advice was bizarre. I think that you are being too vague with your expectations about this guy. Do you want to do specific things with this guy that you refuse to tell him, or do you want to "date" him? No guy on earth wants to have a long series of event-evenings with a woman that do not lead to conquests or changes of social status. In fact, most guys find women to be incredibly boring, mundane, and superficial. He has already had at least five event-evenings with you, with perhaps nothing accomplished to show for it. Why does taking you out for an event have to be like emptying a lake with a coffee cup? Don't you see that you are pushing him away with your lack of enthusiasm for the event-evenings that he suggests, and by your refusal to give him a relationship-role -- after all of this time he has tried to be significant to you? You hear a suggestion about an event-evening and you consistently reply that he needs to call you. No doubt he is thinking, "So she is not interested. I'll ask someone else. I'll be busy, too." Also, it is clear that YOU do not call HIM, because you never have any interesting ideas of things to do, you do not want to give the impression that you want to have a mature relationship with him, and you really do not give a damn about him. To you he is a distraction from being alone. You have some quaint notion that people have dates in order to have dates. As if dates were anything other than failure to jump through some invisible hoop you set up before you will have a physical relationship with a guy. You need to take Brenda's advice and see if in fact it doesn't actually apply to YOU instead. Have a wonderful day!
Comment from tejanno
I think that if you ask a person to call you and they don't then it is time to move on to somebody else that will call you because if they don't call you,, then it is because they don't want to.
Comment from bgbnm5
Janine, Maybe he is really just a nice guy and is trying to be polite. Have you ever thought about calling him away from work? It doesn't really matter what the reason is, be forward about it and ask him directly. He either likes you or he doesn't. If he does, take the approach that you like him enough to contact him away from work. Work can be a very tense place to rendezvous at times, especially for a man, with laws being the way they are. My advice, invite him to dinner, if he accepts and shows up, you have your answer. If he doesn't accept or doesn't show up, he is a slug and not worth your time. Doesn't matter what the reason is.
Comment from rg
I agree with Brenda's thoughts #1 and #4 because that is exactly what I feel when flirting with someone else! And I do flirt everyday. I love the thrill it is electrifying.
Comment from sweetbaby
JANINE, I will advise that you should be careful with this guy because guys like this can hurt you without you noticing it on time but if you think he is the understanding type talk to him find out why he is behaving the way he does maybe that will make him see you really care and maybe he will open up to you.
Comment from Tabe24
Please Janine I need your personal phone number so that I can call you, and advised you well on what to do, farewell and take care of your self, waiting for your cell number.
Comment from imforreal
Life is to short to keep hoping for this guy he is probably married and all he wanted was a one night stand...
Comment from beatrice
Me personally, I hope you didn't have sex with this guy, because it seems like he only wanted a booted call. You can bad by yourself, don't sell yourself short for this guy. You desire better. Just like me guys thinks because I have a big butt, they can sweet talk me and this will be a booted call for them. No thank you, I don't need it and I don't want it.
If he suggests something specific why not take him up if you are interested. If you just tell him to call you he might think you are putting him off. You can then see what response this brings. Surely he wouldn't say these things if he wasn't interested. On the other hand it might be any of the things Brenda has suggested. If you then think this is the case I would drop him.
Comment from Riodevida
I would suggest she address it directly with him rather than wondering and brooding over it. This accomplishes 2 things 1) she may, surprisingly, get some sort of explanation that may be satisfying and resolve the issue; 2) It puts him on notice that you have spotted the "game" and are not playing.
Comment from jmsm
I cannot argue the 4 reasons in which Brenda gives in response to this situation. I do hope it was not her intention to list them in priority. I'm sure there are men struggling with sexual identity issues and are contemptuous toward women but I do believe that makes up a small percentage of the men who chose to use Date.com or some other means in looking for a potential mate. So, why would a man do this?? One possible reason may be you both work for the same company. Is he or you in an authority position within your company? Does your company have a policy against employees dating? Is it possible he may believe dating someone within the same company could get 'messy'? Dating and maintaining a relationship are hard - add in any work-related issues, it gets harder. If that is not it, I believe Brenda's opening comments are probably the reason. Some men cannot face conflict and simply will not say they are not interested. The fact of him suggesting dates but not following through may just be his way of trying to remain civil and friendly without hurting you. Janine, my unsolicited and unprofessional advice - move on. He's not into you. Maybe, just maybe, if you adopt an aloof attitude, it may spark an interest with him. Good luck!!!
Comment from Renee
HI Janine, I think Brenda nailed!!! My guess is he is afraid of the closeness. How do I know??? Because I am going through the same thing but I am not going to give up just yet. Did he go through a bad relationship or divorce?
I have a friend, who has been separated for 18 months. His ex wife and he haven't dealt with much of the divorce things yet, just starting. He and I have been friends for all of this time, occasionally more than friends for the last 6 months. We have watch movies together, go out for ice cream and sports together but when I asked him if he wanted to go to a dance with me the other day; he said "maybe" then told me he wasn't there yet. I'm confused!! He says he wants to finish one thing before he starts something else. Why does he still keep coming around then? Do I just stay friends and not get drawn into the great moments we have shared as more than friends, or what? When I try to flirt, sometimes he is in the moment and sometimes he seems to shy off. I need some advice.....I really like this guy, but he is driving me crazy and I am tired of staying home every weekend waiting for us to do something together.
Comment from kewlkitty
Do the same back...I know people should not play head games...however, that's exactly what he is doing to you...but just make him realize that it can be disappointing being rejected time and time again....tell him...."we should go out....no wait...I can't do it on this night I got a date already ...how about another day....and say " I'll call you".....and DON"T call him.....and just get closure from this guy by doing this....chances are he won't be sitting by the phone waiting but it will make you feel good knowing you have had the last word. OR you could actually call him and say Hey I changed my mind....you really are not interested in me...that's obvious....so I have no interest in waiting for you to call.
Comment from srinivas_F
He may be coming out of the closet. He could be shamed of his sexuality, which makes him afraid to express sexual interest. He could be suffering from a sexual dysfunction such as premature ejaculation or impotency.
Comment from lilu_A
Dear Janine, if I were you, I would start trying to find someone else instead of wasting my time waiting for him. I mean, if he is really interested in you, then he would call you and he would be the one to find ways to be with you. He was just being polite offering you those things you've said like cruising and computer games. Accept it that he's not meant for you. Goodluck!
Comment from joshua178
my advise is to simply not worry about him at all; easy for me to say because from what I can see you really don't know him all that well and he is reluctant to open him self up to you. One or all four possible scenarios that Brenda wrote regarding why he is acting this way may or may not be true. My advice as a man who is currently separated from his second marriage is simple for some, complex for others, but straight forward in either case. It should never matter what other people do or say, learning to accept that people in general will at times not meet your expectations. Making them human and not guilt free, just as you are; so worrying what to do or say in response will only twist things up for you with human emotions that possibly cloud your normal better judgment, then perhaps will respond out of character. The only thing left then is to know that you can only be responsible for your actions in any situation. It’s all about keeping a positive outlook and attitude that will attract the right one for you, then it becomes natural to no longer worry about the things that you have no control over. If you are a believer as I am, read more of what he expects of us as men and women and how we should treat each other. If I may be so bold to offer a couple of passages. During Times of Trials and Tribulation - Psalm 34:18-19 Speaking Kindly - Ephesians 4:31-32 True success - Joshua 1:7-8 Putting Faith in Him that He will take care of you - Proverbs 3:5-6 I find that in times of heartache and uncertainty, it helps when I briefly meditate for about 2 or 3 minutes and ask for his guidance in what he expects of me; I submit to him offering to serve his good will and not my own; if you truly have faith, if you truly believe in him, I promise your worries will go away because he loves you and he will always take care of you, if you seek him. Good luck and God bless.
Comment from anne
I suggest you forget about him and find a man of God.
Comment from ajay
I think he wants to make blood and flesh contact with her. but he is also not want to say first. She has need to ask or offer for sex.
Comment from Carolyn
Your advice was right on -about HIM; now give advice to Janine on how she should specifically be or "act" while at work confronting him. It's easy for you to see what is wrong here, but Janine needs to be able to redirect her interests and refocus on the important matters regarding her own arena. Somewhere to start could be: -does she really want him?--then go after him head on as women are doing today--aware that she may hit a rejection, and will then have to be prepared to handle that. Or: sit back, concentrate on work, smiling and being professional toward him, as dynamics happen. In this case, she will have to gain support from outside sources as she moves on--to replace him in those "mind-spaces" we characterize various relationships. There could be more to all this, but for now, I'm leaving all this up to you other professionals.
Comment from hotchick38135
Hi, my name is Alexis and I just want to let you know that I was in the same type of relationship. it means their is a possibility that he is cheating or not interested or maybe he realizes he really likes you and that you really like him and he is scared to face you because he is in love and does not know how to admit it. Sit him down and talk about it force him to talk about it and if he still doesn't call then the relationship needs to be cut.
Comment from rubia1526
What I suggest is that you move on because he's just teasing you and your just wasting your time figuring what he's all about when you probably can be meeting other people that do want to get to know you move on there's a lot of fish in the sea so go fishing.
Comment from Nadeem Ahmad
In my opinion always it’s better to discuss and share your feelings with friends rather asking others to answer. So my advice to Janine is offer a cup of tea to him and clarify your concerns. In case he does not response positively, than conclusion is he is no more interested for relations with her. So no need to learn the reasons for separation. Have a nice time and good luck to you.
Comment from salim
Dear Janine, kindly I request from you to contact girl friends without paying money I understand this is not logic but I think you can do it for me.
Comment from Janice
Why are you telling me this things that I all ready know and can you tell me something different and why can I talk and anyone one date.com. when I up graded my thing I can't print anything o I can talk to anybody.
Comment from cowgirl102
Stop talking to him....simple.....let it go and go on with your life.
Yeah, next time put out!
Comment from Lea
...or maybe he's waiting for YOU to call HIM! I'm a bit of a traditional 'princess' if you will...from that whole era of 'girls-don't-call-boys-boys-call-girls' but I'm finding that men like it when we call them...and sometimes think we're not interested if we don't. I guarantee if you call him and he DOESN'T make innuendo about 'getting together'...or you 'call his bluff' when he DOES make innuendo to setting a time and place and he's not willing to do so, you'll know whether or not he actually wants to continue to date you....and either way, you can move on...with him or without him.
Comment from kara11
Janine, I'm going thru the same exact thing and pulling my hair out waiting for him to call. He says the same things to me also. but I feel it when I'm with him then he asks me why I don't call, that he's shy and needs me to be aggressive. But when I call he doesn't answer or call back. Then when I've been over there a couple of times, he does the same thing to anyone who calls. It’s weird but I really like him. I just can't go over uninvited so my advice to you is just move on before you get attached like I am and he ends up ruining any would be dates for you.
Comment from joshiepoo1212
It sounds to me like he is just playing mind games and being a guy "me" that is what it sounds like if he doesn't call you then its not worth he time and or effort I do agree with what Brenda said some guys have the problem of the premature thing, lol, well hope you find the man of your dreams on here or in life good luck and god bless
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now. We have gotten serious to the point of living at my house most of the week and his house on weekends. I have three kids that are totally attached to him. He had a wonderful marriage that broke up suddenly and I dont think there was full closure about 10 months before we started dating. He dated someone between us meeting and his marriage break up. I have been taken to meet his father met and spent time with his brother and we have a week vacation planned where I am going to meet his two teen daughters. A week or so ago two different things came up about future. He kind of flipped out and said we are suppose to be boyfriend and girlfriend and in his eyes we are spending to much time together for being boyfriend and girlfriend. Two days later he has to leave for a business trip and has to be gone a week. He called me when he got to where he was going but I haven't heard a word from him in three days. He comes home tomorrow and we are supposed to spend the weekend together. At least that was how things were left on Sunday. I dont know what the heck is going on. Am I fooling myself? We both love each other and I am completely in love with him. He asked us to not spend so much time together after the first three months but then he was right back to us always being together, his choice. Is he scared? Or is it one foot out the door and he just doesn't or isn't ready to tell me? An extremely close friend of his keeps telling me it's just that he is scared of how he is feeling and what happened with his marriage. That he will come around just give him time. I don't know if that's true at this point. HELP!!!
I was dating with the nurse. On the very first day of our date, we got physical, after that it went on and on , on every visit. I wanted to marry but my family persons were against her, she never prevented me to smooch her or lick her body, after some time she deliberately disconnected her cell. For the fifteen long days I could not hear from her, after that one day she called up from her hospital and told me "You are not interested in me, that is why you did not come to meet me in my hospital?" I knew during 15 days period that she is trying to get me to come and see her in the hospital. after that I met her and got physical with her in our apartment but when I was lifting her skirt and reached to her panty area, there was a very bitter smell of urine and I did not feel good to continue, after that one fine day she called up again and said "I am going to marry someone, but she also said that you are very loving and caring person." in the period of courtship I enjoyed a lot with her but what went wrong that she decided to marry another person?
2. Today I called her hospital and asked her to contact me and gave her my cell #, she was unwilling to take the #. Then I insisted she take the cell #. We met up along with a common friend of mine who is also a nurse.
3. We never had sex; I always said we would after the marriage.
4. She was away from her home for the last 10yrs. and in ten years she did change her job thrice in three different cities.
5. Now I want to befriend with her again? Will she or not?
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