Should I throw away my current version of the one?

Comment from laylaune
I'd take note of exactly what it is you do want. I have found that after being divorced for 3 years my idea of dating has evolved. I'd not date anyone exclusively if after the first month or two I felt this person wasn't on the same page as me, commitment-wise. I think you need to date several people, AS FRIENDS FIRST, and get to know people by communicating and finding out what they want in a relationship before putting your EVERYTHING into one relationship. I no longer DATE with the AGENDA of finding that PERFECT "SOUL MATE" because I think you bring unrealistic expectations into the mix. Good luck with your dating life and go out and have some FUN with some new women!

Comment from ebabie48
Hi Sean! For some women, 6 months isn't long enough. Go by your gut feeling. Do you feel that she is afraid to commit due to some issues in her past, or is she just really not that "into you"? 6 months is long enough for me to know if I am with the "one", but everybody is different. I think further communication with her is in order. Do not give her an ultimatum or make yourself sound needy. Just a plain man-to-woman conversation on "where is this going"? And, if you feel that she does really not want to commit, you should consider pulling away and start seeing other women. Call it self-preservation.

Comment from Gisela03
Sean, please do not look for the other person to be your 'everything', not even when you find the woman who wants to commit to the relationship with you. Never burden the other person with the responsibility to be 'everything' to you. Who in the world could fulfill this demand? What is lacking within you, Sean, that you might have such a need for another person? As long as you 'need' someone in your life, you will not be able to truly 'appreciate' the other person for who she is. Fill the void within yourself first, then you will find someone who can complement you and who wants to commit to the relationship because she feels appreciated, rather than needed.

Comment from al gamba
Before you make a final decision to stop seeing her, have you had a heart to heart talk about your situation and your plan to settle down with her because of the long time you have been together. I suggest that you do that first. After you have realized that it's not really worth spending moments with her, then it's the proper time to move on with your life. You may just simply disappear in her life or jus ignore and forget all about her. There are a lot of girls around which I think can respond to the caring and attention you give. Another thing in a relationship, don't push early on making serious commitment, what I mean is let love blossom naturally. At least, if you found out that she's not really serious on you, the pain would not be that terrible on your part . Would that be fine?

Comment from cristi7070
Brenda is right, look for another person....I wish you good luck and be optimist, pray for this and God will help you soon, sincerely, miki

I would agree with Brenda's advice. I have been in exactly the same situation recently and I can honestly say it just leads to torment on both sides. It is a really hard thing to do but as they say when one door closes another will open. Good luck, Lili

Comment from marcmykels
Well I feel Brenda is partially right and in a way wrong, what I think is that Sean probably did not make his intentions known well enough, we have heard from Sean perspective, how about listening to the other person? Have we forgotten to realize that Sean can present the story how and in which way it will favor him? come to think of it Sean should have a heart to heart talk with this girl he calls his everything and see if things will work out, if not, then, he is free to agree with Brenda point of view.

Comment from Madonna
Sean doesn't say how he approached his date, was it physical? Sean needs to be upfront and explain to his date that he has expectations for the two of them and that its time to take things to the next stage, Sean can ask his date if she has any religious/medical or other problems, at least this way he will know whether she has any intentions of going anywhere further with him!

Comment from Anthony thomas
Sounds like my previous girlfriend, she was the love of my life and it was the hardest thing for me to do was to walk away but she was only using me and making me extremely unhappy with her actions.

Comment from Pattief
I would agree. They both want different things and therefore it would be futile to continue with this relationship. Sometimes we are in love with being in love and don't recognize those signs telling us that we are not compatible. Online dating = yes, give it a try but one has to persevere. I have been doing this for about 5 years, and still haven't met the right one. Maybe there isn't one. But I have met some nice, and not so nice, men on the way. Best of luck. Pat

Comment from ballylane
Don't ask for a commitment only 6 months in. Date for a year and don't bring up anything about until I say about 8 months. Then you will really know. And please don't bring up anything about moving in until at least the 9th or longer. That's what I say.

Comment from smileyn_08
Yah Sean! There are still many fishes to catch in the sea... Why don't you look for someone who will love you in return and would commit herself just like what you are willing to give her...
Just a piece of advice Sean...

Comment from Carol
She's just not that into you. AND THAT'S OK!!!! Keep looking, maybe she will realize what she had and change her mind. Also, before entering into a relationship, find out what the other is looking for (delicately) first!

Six months is not a long time and you really don't know the other person that well yet. I would not throw away a wonderful relationship just because after six months a marriage is not in the works.
A compatible mate is very hard to find and before you go running off looking elsewhere, give this relationship a chance to blossom. - V. Hamblet

Comment from SLT1967
There needs to be a book written for men, just like the one written for women entitled "She's just not that into you". Because of my internet dating experiences, I've learned that men have some of the same problems as women as far as not knowing when someone is really interested in them. I would say to Sean and people of both sexes, if someone doesn't want to have a relationship with you after six months of dating, and then they never will. Move on, we've all been there and trust me; there really will be someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

Perhaps you should ask yourself first what her reasons are for not wanting to commit. Are there other issues the tow of you need to work out first? Like trust, respect, or honesty? Is that you DON'T have enough time for her and the relationship? Have you been acting selfish or neglecting her needs? Or that she feels you are pressuring her too quickly into moving-in together? Or even (pressuring her) to get married? After ONLY 6 MONTHS?!!! Come on!
Maybe she feels that she is ALREADY giving you a commitment by investing herself emotionally and physically in the EXCLUSIVE relationship with you-and THAT is a commitment in itself! Also, what is your idea of "more commitment"? Living together? Getting married? Having children?
Perhaps, her commitment IS there, but just a different kind then yours. You need to assess your & her values and beliefs. Is it that she is completely commitment-phobic as you make her out to be? Or is it just that the two of you share different views on marriage?
That is something you should not only consider, but actually discuss with your partner. After doing-so, you may discover that she does want to live together and is open to the idea of children, but just does not believe in marriage or the point of it. Especially seeing how our society takes it oh-so-seriously these days....think: wedding reality shows? 1-3 years for the average marriage?
If that is the case, then she is obviously willing to commit, but just is not keen on the idea of marriage. So you have to ask yourself, is marriage THAT absolutely important to you? How much do you value marriage? Does going through a ceremony (that will likely put you in debt) and signing a piece of paper that dictates that you are legally bound to each other, give the relationship more validity? More validity than say living (common-law) together and being committed and in love with each other?
All I am saying is that you seriously need to look at your own values and beliefs and hers and see if they are compatible. If they are similar (except for the marriage part), then you have to ask yourself, which is more important to you? Having a ceremony? Or being with the one you love? Are you willing to make that compromise of not getting married, so that you can still be together?
But after assessing each others values/beliefs, you discover that both of you hold complete opposite views, then perhaps it is best for the two of you to part ways. After all, some compromise is natural in a relationship (if you want it to work). But when you start changing your values and beliefs-sacrificing the person you are, then that is not only unnatural, but also unhealthy.
Well, whatever your choice, good-luck bud. peace-out.

The purpose of dating is to find someone you can marry. If she doesn't want commitment she is not marriage material. I suggest you define a purpose for your relationship before you move any farther.

Comment from activeinchicago
LOL! What a geek. Well Sean, why don't you just go out and buy her 3 dozen roses, take her out to a fancy restaurant, get her an expensive gift, tell her you love her, then tell her how many kids you want and you decided where you will all live and that she will quit her job and stay home and watch the kids, and cap it off by asking her to marry you all in one afternoon, yup, that oughta do it. By then she'll really be ready to fly outta there like a bat outta hell. Lol! STOP SWEATIN HER, DORK!! Lean back, take it easy. Let her MISS you. Disappear for a few days and don't call her, let HER look for you. Sounds like you are pressuring her, CHILL OUT!! You may dump her and find another "perfect" girl, but if you are still acting like a disgusting clingy wuss she will bail out on you faster than you can say "marry me now!" and trust me, she will not want a commitment either! Do you blame these poor creatures? It's human nature for us to want what we can't have ok. think about that. Well, that's from a real man's point of view. Too bad I can't share my comments with Brenda cause we'd be like Roger and Ebert.

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