She's dating someone else Why did I wait for her?

Comment from MHTSOS
Brenda is absolutely right. I would suggest to Graham a more "offensive" strategy toward that lady. Go a find some lady and start a relation. Then announce it to that lady in one of your pal/baddy phone calls and describe it the way, we men, announce one another a new girlfriend. "You know a terrific bosom & very noisy orgasms" and the like

Comment from bellefleur
Absolutely "Right on". She's just not that into him.

Comment from smyln_agyn
Another thing that came to mind was... does Graham really want to be the rebound man after her break up? I say let her get it out of her system. She knows he is interested and maybe she also knows he is more than just a rebound and didn't want to involve him in that. So there might still be hope? Maybe

Yeah dude move on. Its like that chic that wants you but you don't wanna hurt her feelings, but deep down inside you wish she would leave you the hell alone, well that's how this chic feels about you.

Good advice and very very true! It's so hard to be honest with a male friend and tell him you don't WANT to date him (and you never will!)

Comment from carebear
Graham listen up......up....listen up

Comment from Virenie
Wow, Brenda... You've made something that I have been struggling with for about a year now seem so simple it hurts! I am a 55 year old widow and you'd think I'd understand this stuff. I have had strong feelings for a few gentlemen, and now I understand that it's this like/love their personality type of a situation. I care so much, yet a certain ingredient is just not there, and so I should move on and quit prolonging their misery as well as mine? I also look at our differences. The man I'm dating now has some qualities that I believe in time would make be very resentful in spite of how well we get along and how much we have in common in other areas. I do feel love for him, yet I hold back in constant confusion. Guess I just couldn't see the trees through the forest, plus we all hate being alone for any length of time. Virenie

Comment from bellamedo
Dear graham, I have many men friends that I know would like to be more then friends. I too love there personalities and share many personal thoughts with me. But I would NEVER consider I loving type relationship with them because to me they are great friends only. I am not attracted to them in that way, friends only. It is so hard to explain to them without hurting there feelings but I just have too. Some take it and some leave it. But i think honesty is the best. Sorry but your friend only has an interest in you as a friend only; I would not belittle myself by asking her out again. There's other woman out there that would just love to be with you. Good luck

Comment from Nilber091782
I definitely agree with Brenda. That woman is not ever going to look at you as more then a friend. The baggage of having children to a single woman is something that scares them. I would definitely say try looking else where and not wait for her to want you. If she gets out of the relationship and comes to you and says I'll wait for you, then you know how she feels. If she doesn't you at least still have looked at other potential dates.

Comment from Pasionate Lover
Graham needs to suck it up and move on. If he truly likes this woman, be a FRIEND!!! She obviously isn't romantically inclined towards him, so don't put her on the spot and make her hurt your feelings...

Comment from alone225
Brenda that is very true most the woman that men are interested in only want you to be their for when they crash from other relationship so they can come and talk to you or cry on your shoulder instead of crying in your bed so yes I as being a he have been though this very same thing it is much better to find someone who want you to along with the 2 kids good luck in your search i found my love on kiss.com and we have been with each other now two years.

My advice is to move on and find someone that is capable with him, someone who might have kids or had kids that are already grown. Not sure of his age but never wait around for someone when there are more women out there that might enjoy his company.

I don't like the way you answer this to be totally honest. You lack any sensitivity! Example: "Roughly 90% of my good male friends have propositioned me at one time or another, and I just tell them in a good natured way to stop it, I'm much happier being their pal. (It lasts longer…)" Brenda, why are you so... rude? "I tell them to stop it" Oh like they are doing something wrong.
Sure it's hard to tell someone you're not physically attracted to them but saying that you're "forced to leave them thinking that I'm confused about what I want." is like saying you don't have any choice. But you do have a choice. You can tell them that you don't feel the same way about them instead of pretending that you're confused. They most probably see right through this anyway. A male friend of mine told me that he gets: "I don't feel that way about you," "I just like you as a friend," or "i don't want a relationship right now" and the only time he liked the response was when a woman said "You're a great guy but I don't fancy you." I'm not saying that all men will want this response but the "leave them thinking that I'm confused about what I want" one is pretty pathetic. You say "It's not easy having male friends who want more. Ask any woman in this situation and she will tell you the same thing." Oh, please!! Poor women who have male friends who want more, oh it's so hard for them. Please!! What about men who have fallen for female friends or are physically attracted to female friends and the feelings are not returned? Oh, never mind them; according to you it's the women in this situation that are having a hard time.
As for: "he'd be perfect for her. He's sexy and a great friend? Yes!" Not necessarily. I have great male friends who are very attractive physically in my eyes but they're not my type of person as far as a partner is concerned. For your information, men also rebuff women who are their friends because they are not physically attracted to them. There are women around who have the guts to tell male friends that they want more and the guys just don't find them pretty so they turn them down.

Graham, I know I may seem young, but I am 23. I have had many relationships in the past 3 years. I have tried everything from online dating, phone dating and co-worker dating. In the end, if you are not long-term friends at first, in person, it will not last. A friend told me yesterday that if you want someone yet every time you are single you find someone else, the truth is, something is holding you back from going after that person. You have to figure out what it is. And so it is with her. If she is single and immediately seeks someone, shes on "rebound" she's hurting inside and is looking to fill a hole in her heart. Your support will mean so much to her if you are her friend first and foremost.

Comment from wildcard
Brenda, you are not being honest with Graham! Attraction is based on chemistry! Woman are attracted to men that are cocky and funny, that present challenges and indifference attitudes that create a reason to pursue. If a guy tells a woman his feelings to soon what's left? Looks are not as important unless she thinks she's a movie star with a big ego or simply a slut!

Comment from ruoutthere72
Well this kind of hits home. I was seeing a women in 2003 she was recently out of a relationship of two years, we hooked up and hit it off great, there were mutual feelings for each other, BUT, (dam nit there's always a but)the ex came back into the picture, and she felt she owed him a second chance due to time spent, I was bothered but told her I would remain her friend and hope something would come of it later, we've talked sparingly over the last year and a half. One fateful night I asked her to go watch the national championship game with me (she accepted) we had a great time and stayed out 'til 1 something, we made out quite passionately, and things felt so right, BUT things have gone down hill from there. She felt real guilty (she's still with the boyfriend) and she's given me the cold shoulder. I feel like I lost the friendship and any chance to be with her, that's not what I wanted. So my advice is to cherish the friendship and if it's meant to be it'll happen. Thanks for letting me share.

Comment from sailingfemme
I would tell Graham to hang in there as a friend and see what develops but making himself crazy with all kinds of unrealistic and romantic expectations. There's a guy I've known for close to 11 years. Can this be a "Harry Meets Sally?" scenario? Anyway, we've stayed friends throughout his dating disasters and my dating disasters. I've also changed a lot throughout this time and so as he. For me it's been a recovery program and for him it's been therapy. I believe there's something very solid in our relationship even though I believe part of his thinking involves him not being particularly physically attracted to me. I'm more sanguine these days because I believe a truly lasting relationship goes beyond the obvious and that includes the physical attraction part. I find that most of the time when I've been wildly attracted to someone in the past the man generally acts like a fool! Maybe it's because I've gotten more mature about life, dating, men, etc. but I find that one never knows what the future will hold.

Comment from cyansmiles
Never hurts to ask.. But drop it man. Enjoy life. Life works out the way it is suppose to.. if you have to force it .. It probably was not meant to be. Brenda hit it right on the nose.

As a guy I would say if she hasn't figured it out by then on how you feel about her then there's plenty of sea in the fish, and visa-versa... move on w/ your love life, that'll be a friendship worth keeping as such!!!... Too bad she couldn't be more honest. Most of us guys would prefer that then just to be strung along for the emotional support ride!!! That being, just tell us how you really feel!!!... And yes, I know it's easier said then done!!!

Comment from sweetiepie_39
Graham, I would move on, been there. Good luck. Kids are great little ones. Take care.

Comment from moe_shemp_larry
I simply wish to say that "Brenda"--you REALLY hit the nail on the head! Yes, you DO speak for all of us females. I've tried explaining this to some male friends of mine whom have gone chasing a woman, then wonder the same thing as this Graham dude. Duh already.
You go gurl! :)

Comment from tessy
Dear Graham; I think what goes up must surly come down, if really the way you fell for her is really true love I believe she will definitely come back to you and apology. just relax your mind.

Comment from Dave
I would advise Graham to just let her go and meet some one else cause you don't have the time to think about her, if she doesn't have the time to think about you.
You have two kids to think of and do what's good for them and yourself and don't waste your time on some one who doesn't want you though they know that you want them its not worth it. Believe me I have been there many times before and if they ever come back learn to kill them with kindness I know revenge would sound sweet but not always. I know how hard it is to deal with these things because I am going through the similar kind of shit myself. Sometimes a guy has to be selfish in life and think about himself, and what's good for him.

Comment from Hubert
I would advise Graham that you should take one more chance to approach her. Straight away deal with the matter and probably she may be waiting you to ask her for deeper relationship. Though she experienced your feelings she might have considered it as human and bypassed them. Women always wait for man to ask for deeper relationship. Secondly, the second relationship you might have understood wrongly. She may be just friendly with that guy. Man's nature is always threatened to be selfish. Once he is in love with somebody he becomes more possessive and doesn't allow the partner even to talk with opposite sex! Strange!!!

Comment from sarahosoro
Am sorry to say this, but let me say .if she was for sure for your side, Graham, she could be already be with you. Leave her alone and look for someone else.

I would advise Graham to date another woman. She will know her true feeling when she knows this.

I will personally advice Mr Graham to leave this babe alone because there is no love for him and that's made clear from her action. Please, Mr. Graham go, go for another woman bye....

Comment from Bill
Graham, I'm in exactly the same spot your in. I've already had the "coffee chat" that Brenda recommended. The bottom line was that no, she didn't want to be in a physically intimate relationship with me. I had to decide if I wanted her as a friend or not at all. What did I do? Now she's the best friend I've ever had, we do things together, talk about almost anything. BUT, since she is physically intimate with someone else, I don't have to put up with any of the possessiveness/controlling/manipulating behavior that most women show from time to time. Where does that leave me? All I'm missing with her is sex and there are tons of gals out there who want a physical, but not emotionally heavy, relationship. Give it a shot, you'll be surprised.

Graham I have been in the same situation before. Women don't really know what they want even after they have it. Many women that live in heavy populated places have MANY choices to whatever they want The best thing you can do is date as many women as possible (probably not what you really want to do but sometimes it's the only way) & then when YOU have figured which one YOU want that you pick the one. Women do this all the time. I think now it is your turn to reign!!

Comment from cdntrucker
Hi! I think Brenda has it right this time. If you want someone who wants you for you, forget north American women and get a east European like me.

Comment from cambone
Graham ,Dude........I am going to now give you the best advise you may ever get.....What I want you to do is go and find an ok woman that likes you ok and that's looks ok and date her and have fun with her , but DO NOT commit......but have mutual fun together without getting overly involved........after about a month ( about the time your "friend" is getting bored with her new man)she ,and some others, will start to show interest in you. The reason: Women are most attracted to a man that has the smell of another woman on him. We are animals that's all we are intelligent cave men ......she will come around as soon as she knows you are dating.......good luck!

Comment from majeed
Brenda is 100% correct.it would be extremely stupid for Graham to pursue this woman

Comment from bigaze69
i think he should go for it if its not going to happen it wont but if it is it will i didn't ask a girl out (we were friends i liked her and i now she liked me ) she married it was bad when we were together one time talking she ask me why didn't you ever ask me out? .......dam....... ok

Comment from 232222
I would advise him to ask her to do something with him, like listen to some music, watch a movie, even though they are friends, but when I took her out I would give her that smile, the one ware you look her in the eyes for a bit, and then she well ether smile at you and take a half step towards you, and maybe even kiss you, or she well take a step back and blow you off/tell you she has to be going now. If she blows you off then I would go and date some other women for a while, but, and hear is the key, while i was dating these other women I would call her, tell her about all the fun you have been having with some one else and see if she is still interested in talking to you like the friend she said she was, then after that i would ask her to do something with you ,just as friends, if she doesn't try anything on you, then give her the smile thing again. If non of that works I would just say forget it and move on because my theory so far on love is its like the economy, when you sell your self to other people that you are high in supply and low in demand , women don't want you!!!, But when you are high in demand[you always have women around you],and there's a low supply of you{chance a women has at you] They well go for you like white on rice, because most women always want what they cant have. This is why I liked the last article on this site I read where the site manager stated how tired he was about hearing the word PLAYER. We all are players a little bit, other wise we would never find out what we really want.

Comment from margie0924
Get out and meet someone that cares for you Graham, She knows you like her, so quit being so dumb, I counsel people all the time, and if she liked or loved you ,you would not have to ask someone what to do!

Comment from dinochick
I agree with Brenda... I dated a guy that had an on going affair with a married woman (from his high school days) and he went on a site to get variety. He didn't plan meeting someone like me!!! He did tell me that he loved me. And HER...Anyway, I refused any more physical because I do not want to be part of this fiasco. I originally thought he was leaving her... but when he didn't want to give it up, I told him .. Sorry... thanks for being honest, but I must stay friends only... I don't knowingly share partners. I don't want to be "second" or "alternative" choice and Graham shouldn't either. Too many people out there want their cake and eat it too, thinking they can have multiple people after them. I stay away from those types... It is better to be alone. I don't think this woman ever had a real interest in him, or she would have used her friendship to get closer.

Comment from em911er
Good advice Brenda but I have one more theory that may apply. It's been my experience that some women, especially "very attractive" women who could date most any man that they wanted and know it, don't much like to be chased. Well, they do to a degree because it feeds the ego but it's also boring and too easy, try being aloof and unavailable, let HER do a little chasing and if she doesn't Brenda was 200% correct.

I agree with you, who knows?, maybe she dumped her boyfriend to go out with her new one. Either way, she doesn't sound interested.

Good advice, Brenda. Unfortunately, I've been in Graham's position one time in my life. In this particular situation, I found that after a while, this person was feeding off my feelings for her, almost like it was a boost for her ego. I don't have kids myself, but I know from that situation that it's best to come clean. If the guy is attracted to that woman in Graham's situation, it's either going to happen or you need to go your separate ways.

Comment from whaler75
Hmmm, good advice. Maybe I should try the same thing.

Comment from changes
Great advice. Been there done that. Should had your advice sooner.

Comment from paradiseguy
Once again I find myself in agreement with Brenda. I think having a conversation on this topic over coffee is a great idea but I feel as Brenda it's an outside shot but this conversation maybe needed for the long term of your friendship as it may clear the air of tension she may feel you have for her as well and this gives her a chance to share her feelings with Graham bringing up the topic first. The other thing Graham could do is start dating someone else and if she (graham's friend) has any deep romantic feelings they may surface during this time it also shows that he is a marketable person and is in demand. Hope this makes sense since I'm typing this slower than my thought process and with limited time to spend on this.

Comment from lalas6
The smart move is to move on and don't keep the delusions that even if you try to hook up with someone that she'll get jealous...Yadda yadda....The easiest it starts the better...Love starts off easy, it doesn't have to be a challenge, until later on....Then it gets rough. Good luck...Move on, find someone else. Billions of women in the world...You'll find that one.

Comment from belmont8
Women and men alike want to have it in the back of their mind that the need to move it or lose it. Graham was too easy, as I have been in the past. I just broke up with a woman that all she wanted was to be f-buddies. She was not in love with me, just wanted my body. The only way I could see any reaction at all was to let her see pics of me with other girls (after we broke up)....then I saw fireworks. If Graham's girl would see him out with another hot chick, he'd have her eating out of his hand (among other things).....mark my word.....even if Graham had to pay a hooker, it'd be worth it! It's really quite simple. And Graham....whatever you do, never let 'em see you sweat. Next time she calls....tell her, "hey, kid, I'd like to talk, but Gina is over and hang up." The next day you can bet she'd want to know who Gina was.....then the fireworks will start! Get in the driver's seat, Graham! Dude!

Excellent and so true.

Comment from William
Brenda's advice is solid... I have to agree. This is not easy for me to do since I can relate to Graham's situation 100%. Take care.

Comment from artfan911
good call Brenda I am in a similar situation as this guy. I actually fight the feelings I have for my girl pal. I know that if we become lovers then it has a chance of a horrible conclusion. Tell dude to have fun, I usually find a hot girl to ask out, Have sex with her then, talk to my pal. But, I am in college and dude is divorced. Stop believing in monogamy buddy. There are always fish in the sea however; I have love my pet gold fish too. I can talk to her.

Comment from thdmm
Bravo Brenda.... Excellent sound advice. Particularly your last statement. Slightly sugar coated explanation, ending with a cold hard factual statement.

Comment from jps2
I applaud Brenda for being as honest as she was. The key thing to remember in this situation--or any other male/female relationship--is that we are all adults. If someone wants to be with you, he/she will be. The old songs about being "overcome by love" are merely that--songs. It took me until I was 49 to learn to be able to say: They come. They go. Who cares? I have had no heartache since.

Comment from HOYT
Ditch the whore graham!!!! She's just using you like a puppet!!!! Women only have male friends, cause they are going to need the poor bastard sooner or later to fix her car, or home repair etc. -o save herself money. If you aren't doing a woman then no need to be her friend as you will get nothing out of the friendship. Think about what little we get when they do "so-called love" us!!! Go get yourself a good looking whore, she will love you all you want long as you pay her, anytime you want sex, she'll be there. When your done ,send her to the curb, think about how much money you spent on your wife and got no sex...Trust me ,been there and now I'm here, any women you want any night for less money and no nagging to listen too. That crap about being "confused" proves my point, they keeping you at bay by lying to your face, cause they know they going to use you sooner or later and it wont be to help her outta her panties.

Comment from wolfman
Hi Graham: I'm with Brenda I think that you should play the field and good luck,

Graham, she obviously is not interested in you that way. She knows that you have these feelings, but still started dating someone else? I hate to say it, but step back and look in. Move on.

I support Brenda suggestion. If she admires him physically and have strong passion for him, I would assume she will have made an offer straight after her first relationship. I think he keeps that good friendship better than spoiling with the request for a date. This happens to a lot of people, who feel they need to date any friend who was good to them.

Comment from zenhog
Right on the money. I was/am in the same situation except a few years further along. It started with us meeting at a dog training class when we became good friends - but early on in the process I asked her out on a date. Her answer was the "I'm confused" type ("I have enough guy troubles right now - how about just being friends at this time") Over the last few years I've seen her go through several boyfriends and the flirting and calls between us follows a pattern - when she's unattached she's a friend in regular contact. When she takes up with a new guy I stop hearing from her. When that starts to turn south or has troubled spots I hear from her again. But never am I in the picture for anything but a shoulder to cry on or for brotherly advice. So Graham, move on. Us guys have a hard time believing (if we have feelings for the girl) that they actually, REALLY just want us to be a friend!

Comment from zengrl
exactly the same! Graham, a guy who is so totally available and waiting is flattering to a woman, but it can be a bit of a turn off in the long run. Women (at least the ones I know), want chemistry as much as any guy wants it with a woman. Being friends doesn't automatically roll over into romance. And most often, being friends for a long time doesn't switch over to chemistry (unless you are in an old movie). Let her go as any romantic prospect, and if you are being her friend in hopes of being her lover, that is not fair. Be her friend and do not bring up your desires any more. It may only serve to distance her as a friend.

Comment from geminiii3031
Hello Graham. Careful, my friend. I did something similar with a friend for seven years. I am still single but one day not too long ago I decided enough is enough. There was just too much pain.
There are very many fish in the sea. If she isn't attracted to you or see your values, move on as soon as possible. You must force yourself to date others. The horizon will open up and quickly.
It was interesting to me that over the seven years when I started to venture on my friend came running. I would inevitably get "sucked in". This time I said no and now I wish I had not wasted SEVEN YEARS of my life. I am 50, divorced with four children and despite that I do not have trouble finding dates because for the first time in a very long time I am happy with my own company and myself. Careful, my friend

Comment from Apromisekept
I agree with Brenda. Graham should move on in finding a serious relationship with someone else. It may be possible to remain friends with her, but some guys have a problem doing this.

Comment from Gary in Florida
Brenda, It is every woman's dream to be friends with a heterosexual man. It doesn't work because of sexual tension. My advice to Graham is next time she calls tell her you are going to meet someone and ask if you can call later, or better yet tell her you have company and again ask if you can call her back. This makes her curios as to whom you are with. She will automatically think you are seeing or with a woman. Remember the key word is "someone". Never say a date, woman or man. This worked for me. I was very intimate with a woman who decided she wanted to be friends. I was upset until I got this advice from a confirmed bachelor. I tried it and guess what she was calling the next day wanting to come over and she told me how she did not want to lose me. We got back for almost a year. We split because I moved. I think Brenda's advice is typical female response. By the way women her age are dating divorced fathers with kids. My girlfriend id twenty years younger than me and loves my two sons. It never entered into the equation. Graham think of your feelings. I think she is playing you......Good luck!

Comment from beemancan
Dear Graham: I have to agree with Brenda for most of it. At the same time never give up. I don't know what level you friendship is with her. I have been in the same spot minus the kids, & things turned out good for me. She might even be seeing this new guy because she wants you to step up to the plate.

Comment from Austin-Luv
Dear Brenda, It's funny that I should read this article about Graham because I can say that I myself, am experiencing this same type of behavior from a longtime friend of mine. We talk everyday and I have told her my feelings towards her because we were once together but unfortunately I made a few mistakes at a young age, but for years I have stressed how I long to be with her. I have also told her that I love her still and of course she says she loves me but as her best friend. Also, it doesn't really help that everyone around me knows my feelings towards her and know what happen for us to separate in the first place but they all feel that her and I should and will be together so I often get myself worked up because I feel that way also but she always says if it's meant to be it will be. As I read your answer to Graham, I look at my situation differently and maybe that is her way of telling me I'm not the one. I'm not sure but maybe if you read this, you can give me your opinion on what I've just wrote.

Comment from Triund
Brenda advised you the right thing, Graham. Limit your relationship with that lady to a 'friend'. You will enjoy that relationship for the whole life. If she really wanted you be her boy-friend, she would had contacted you immediately when she called off her earlier relationship. She did not. So it means you are only good for her as a friend. Look for other people, sky is the limit.
Graham, very recently, I went through exactly the same situation as yours. Only difference is that I am never married. I learnt a lesson from that experience that I should stop waiting for her. And I have moved on. Good luck Graham..!!!

Comment from tise
i could have put this way if Graham knew tat this women is in love with some other guy why do u have to waste your time with her and any case she doesn't love him coz she failed with her first one and then dating another one when Graham is still there no she doesn't love you don't waste your time single beautiful ladies are full in this site start from me you may get a chance having kids doesn't matter love is the most important thing good luck.

He should forget about the lady and take care of the two kids, except Graham had another ulterior motive, he could have talk to the lady at first, I think she waited for him, but no respond, and she has to go, while , she still keep the friendship.

Comment from 4sundown
I disagree, to some degree, with Brenda.
If Graham wants more than friendship, and she only wants friendship, he should move on. Graham does not need to ask her out one last time. The answer will be "no, I just want to be friends". He needs to let it alone and go on his way to find someone that will reciprocate. When she calls to talk, be polite and say you can't talk. Be honest, tell her that it is because you feel hurt and cannot listen to her voice without wanting to hug her. She will either start missing you enough to re-think her feelings, or go on with her life as is.

Comment from amre707
graham i would also broaden your horizons sometimes its just not the right one

Comment from Franklyn
The advice to Graham sounds really amazing, going by the fact that, the lady in question, left a guy for another, whereas she knows fully well that Graham, has been out there like mother Theresa waiting. My advice to Graham is to look for someone more beautiful than her, no matter what it will take. And let the two ladies meet each other. He will then introduce the heartbreaker as his ex, and the new found love as the current girl-friend. Of course she deserves to be treated like a heartbreaker that she is.

Comment from misshoney2005
Brenda's advice is the advice that most people would offer. I agree that if the woman knows Graham is interested in her, and yet she chose to pursue another relationship without giving any chance to Graham, then she is just not interested in anything more than friendship with him. I also agree that it is very hard for a woman to have male friends. I have been in so many similar positions it's pathetic. I am to the point were I don't want any male friends because they always want more than friendship. It's not easy.

Comment from BJC25
What Brenda said. Anytime I've waited for someone it's never worked out. They always end up dating someone else. Guys have the problem of telling their gal friends, that they only want their friendship, too. You don't want to hurt their feelings, but if I'm not physically attracted to them, it's not going to work. I like to keep definite boundaries between friends and lovers.

Hey Graham did you want her to be physically attracted or romantically attracted to you? I don't understand where the physical attraction came from in her answer?

Comment from muhsin777
Be with the people who respects you and loves you. If someone doesn't respects your feelings just put this down. And find the true love. There is someone who really loves you. You have to just find her.

Comment from ideasman
Listen to what Brenda says, I work with some of the worlds most attractive and desirable women. I photograph centerfolds for a living (someone's got to do it) I run into a similar situation with many of the models I photograph, some even instigate the dinner dates but they want ma as a male friend they can trust not as a lover. The signals seem to be their but as a guy we read them wrong. Be thankful you have her as a friend; genuine friends are hard to get for both sexes.

Comment from karinapicassoa
I agree with Brenda in all sense. Graham you should try another woman, ones who show a real interest in you, the girl you talk about only wants you a friend maybe as her helping hand, not like a loving man. Try to forget her, I know it can be hard to do, but that's the best way for you to go now. Remember, the girl who really loves you will show you naturally.

Comment from masterjim
Date other women and let her know. If she has feelings for you then she will be jealous. A man and woman can't be friends, especially if one is attracted to the other. It is possible to be friends only after sex, but you did not close the deal. You may have to move on.

Comment from GL
Tell her how you feel, but be ready for the worst scenario. If you truly care for her still as a friend at least you haven't lost that. Friends you have forever, the physical side can disappear and there's nothing left. Even though its not what you want to hear now, it wouldn't have been anyway. Don't look for Mrs. Right, Look for Mrs. Right Now and eventually the Now part will disappear. It'll happen.

keep on trying

Comment from thesaurusrose
First of all, Brenda, you should keep your own life out of this. Number one, it has no bearing on his problem. Number two, you have just marked how many men potentially? If I were a man who knew you and read your response, I would not want to know you any longer. If Graham is interested in a woman, he needs to pursue the woman instead of acting like a wimp. If you want something, you go for it. If you get turned down, you move on. Graham's problem is he has to find his mojo.

Comment from stephen1_D
Dear Graham, you should take heart, you can still plant another tree of love. Life will not end with her. It has happened to many, yet life goes on.

Comment from pistachio
Graham,, don't listen to Brenda, she is a woman and just doesn't understand it all. Simply, make your feelings known [But not directly], simply ask her out for some food / dinner, and not fancy just dinner / neutral ground / a normal restaurant. If yes, just go and have a good time, light and fun. Do not be the ardent lover and make no protestations of love and romance. Just go with it and enjoy. You will know where you are by evenings end. If no, don't worry, find another. Better to have been in the game then to have never played at all.

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