Am I A Lesbian?

Dear Brian,
As long as I have been dating, I have been completely straight, but last year I had a bi-sexual three-some that sparked an interest in me. I have dated the opposite sex since then, but still find myself thinking about being with someone of the same sex. It has pretty much been branded into my brain what is "right," and that I should be with a male, but I am curious, could I be a lesbian? If not, what should I do to curb these thoughts? If so, how do I go about experimenting, without looking stupid?
- Lost In Iowa

Dear Lost In Iowa,
We are all taught to believe that heterosexual relationships are "right" and any sexual feelings we have that depart from the straight and narrow are wrong. Is it any surprise that these rules were written by heterosexuals? Thank God for Gay Liberation! Having taken part in a bi-sexual threesome, you sure sound liberated to me. More power to you! Of course, your interest in women doesn't mean you're a lesbian as long as you date men because you really want to. If you're continuing to date men only because it matches what's been branded in your brain, then you could be a lesbian. It sounds to me like you're heterosexual with bi-sexual interests.

There's nothing abnormal about that. Whether or not you should try to curb your thoughts about sex with other women depends on how strong those thoughts are. When you're with the opposite sex, do you secretly wish you were with another woman? Are your sexual fantasies dominated by thoughts of lesbian encounters? If you've taken the time to write, your interest in women is probably not something you can shake-off so easily. Why not experiment some more? You've already done it and obviously found it gratifying. By continuing to explore your sexual feelings, you may come to the conclusion that you are a lesbian, or perhaps confirm for yourself that you're heterosexual, after all. Whether you're straight, lesbian, or bi-sexual, there's no need for you to feel "stupid."

As long as your experimentations aren't hurting anyone else such as a boyfriend with whom you've agreed to be monogamous, there's no reason why you should limit your sexual options. It's important to know your sexual needs before you can satisfy them. After experimenting some more, you'll be able to know your preferences. Whatever you turn out to be - straight, lesbian or bi-sexual - embrace it. Be the woman you were meant to be, and ignore what society has "branded in your brain."

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