Recognizing the Signs of Attraction

Dear Brian,
I was reading tips on how to let others know your "preferences," but I did not see anything pertaining to women. What is something subtle that would let others with the same interests know you were available? And, what are some things that I could look for to know that the attractive woman looking at me might be interested in me? I guess you can tell this is new to me --- not new in really knowing, but in practice I have been straight all my life.
- Sign seeker


Dear Sign seeker,
The signals that women send to women to indicate a romantic and/or sexual interest aren’t much different than the signals men send to men. Prolonged eye contact, repeatedly looking in your direction without an obvious reason, preening in your presence, touching, etc, are pretty much standard practice for men and women, gay and straight alike. I think most women would tend to be subtler than most men, though, and less likely to make overtly sexual moves, preferring affectionate ones instead. A gay man who is particularly bold may caress another man’s knee or leg, but do so in a way that makes it clear the knee or leg are not the part of the anatomy he’s interested in. A woman might be more inclined to place her arm around another woman, to hold her close, hold her hand, etc.

Women are more likely to show their feelings more openly even when the goal is not to communicate a romantic interest, but if a romantic interest is there, the feelings are bound to be more intense, and the signals more obvious. There are exceptions, of course, and some women can be more forthright than men. To let other women know that your “preferences” are for women, add something to your wardrobe that would help clarify it. A rainbow pin, or a pride bracelet may do the trick. I have a pride bracelet from overtherainbowshop.com that is a simple band of rainbow colors. It’s subtle enough to escape the notice of queer bashers. It may be subtle enough to escape the attention of other gay men, but combined with the other signals I refer to, the message is bound to be delivered.

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