Will My Family Freak Out?

Dear Brian,
I have a problem and I'm hoping that you could help. I'm 25 and a bi-sexual female. There's a really wonderful person who I like who also likes me.  I haven't found a way to tell my family about the life style that I have chosen and I'm afraid that if I tell them they are going to freak out and, you know, all that other stuff that can happen. I'm really hoping that you can shed a little light on the subject for me." - SM


Dear SM,
Plenty of stuff, much of it unpleasant, can happen when you reveal an alternative sexuality to your family. They may not approve, but at 25, you are your own person and free to choose any lover you wish. First of all, be true to yourself. Family is important, but you shouldn't let them approve or disapprove of your sexuality and love life. The trick, it seems to me, is to break it to them gently by not breaking the “news” at all. No, I'm not suggesting you live your life behind their backs and deny your feelings for your lover, but I wouldn't make an “announcement,” at least not until you've laid a little groundwork.

When introducing your girlfriend to your family, simply introduce her as your friend. After all, she is your friend, even though she is more than that. Let the “more than that” come out gradually. Be as affectionate toward her in their presence as you would in any public place but don't flaunt your relationship any more than you would if you were seeing a man. Be subdued, but not secretive. Let them pick up on the clues, and see their reaction.

If they ask pointed questions and demand to know the exact nature of your relationship, follow your
instincts. Tell them the truth if you think they can deal with it. If you think they can't deal with it, well, then you have to choose. Do you want to keep your family life and your love life separated or not? Many people do, and not only because the family doesn't approve of their sexuality. Sometimes people just don't get along and avoid each other at all costs. There’s a reason why mother-in-law jokes are so popular. The choice is strictly yours to make. Good luck.

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