Why so uptight in the Northwest?

Dear Brian,
I'm a young bisexual girl, living in an uptight, narrow-minded Christian community in Northwest Iowa and I'm suffocating. I think I might even be going entirely lesbian. I know it's hard to believe that I could know without experiencing it sexually, but I just know, trust me, please.

It's hard enough that I've only been able to tell a handful of people about my current situation (unfortunately, none of the parties were interested because they were straight) but the one girl I truly believe I'm in love with sends me mixed signals constantly. I mean, I know girls my age tend to hug a lot, and kiss on the cheek, and sometimes lips...but if I really love this girl, what in the world am I supposed to do? I tried to promise myself that I would tell her that by the end of my senior year, but I'm having a hard time building up the courage for it. What do I do? Please help me, I love her so much, and I'm not sure if she'd ever talk to me again if I told her, considering she is a Christian as well. Should I make a move, and if so, how?”
- I'm so in love...


Dear So In Love,
Having known I was gay before I was intimate with a man (though I was never bisexual), you don’t have to convince me that you can go "entirely lesbian" without having had sex with a woman. Now, about your problem... Is this Christian girl that you love as uptight and narrow-minded as the rest of the community you live in? If she knew that you love her, do you think she might turn on you, and tell others of your sexuality and make your life miserable? This is something you definitely need to consider before making such a bold move. If you’re sure that she won’t overreact, and you’re also sure you love her as much as you claim, I would consider it worth the risk to tell her, providing you can shake the dust off your feet and move on if she does react negatively. I would do what you promised yourself you’d do: tell her at the end of your senior year. Working up the courage isn’t easy, but that’s why you have to "work up" the courage. Once you decide that you really want to tell her, don’t dwell on the negative. Tell yourself over and over again, "Do it! Do it! Do it!" Then, do it! Yes, it’s possible she won’t talk to you again, but would you want her to if she rejected you out of hand because of your sexuality? Please keep in mind that you’re young and that even if she rejects you, you have a lifetime ahead of you to meet and fall in love with other girls. Just like young love itself, the heartbreaks of high-school are more intense simply because they’re usually the first heartbreaks you’ll experience.

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