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Home > Feature Articles > Article > Readers Respond |
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 READERS RESPOND |
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True Love And Chemistry: Exploring Myth And Reality
True to an extent. I met the man of my childhood dreams almost 2 years ago. We started off as just friends and did not expect it to become what it has. We can tell each other anything that we don't discuss with anyone else. We laugh and cut up constantly. We respect each other. We discuss things and never argue or try to control. The intimacy is just as wonderful as the first time we were ever together. Still look forward to it and get the butterflies in our stomachs every time. We are very comfortable with one another but do not live together. Still working on ourselves being happy first instead of setting our own feelings aside to make others happy. Growing everyday and loving each other more and more as each day passes. Don't want to imagine life without the other. This is what I think the Love of a lifetime and soul-mate is. Am I wrong?
I think chemistry is not the most importance being friends and getting to know each other first then comes the chemistry come if it you and person become friends i'm learning that now and the person is in another country and she has told me she like and want to know me for how I am the how everybody want me to b e and I told her the same thing I want her for how she it and not the way she looks or what other think of her
Good and informative. However, since most people are chemically pressured to let their mind and body flow with the chemical high, they allow sexual relationships to occur too early. Then they become over attached to the new relationship and suffer great disappointment when it doesn't manifest the long lasting deeper qualities that allow for a successful relationship that leads to marriage. Whenever material is presented, to just know the facts, for most people is not enough for them to make use of the information in their daily lives. I encourage you to present info and then tell people how to use it to better their life. For example, how do I go about not getting too wound up with my initial sexual attraction to someone? It is difficult to feel those intense feelings and not act on them. Give suggestions on how to best distract myself from the powerful chemistry which will give me time to find out if this person has all the other qualities necessary for longevity. So then, give info, teach how to use it effectively using concrete suggestions, and cover the other side too, such as if I screw every new guy I feel chemistry for, without any thought to what will or will not come next, what will be the upsides and downsides of that.
That all makes sense, however if a person is in that type of relationship as described above about "Sarah". How is a person supposed to move on or in other words how do you "fix the problem", and get over the person you are chemically attracted to.
Great article. I agree wholeheartedly that you need both the chemistry (lust) and the romantic, spiritual feelings to be complete soul mates.
Comment from activenbrains
It sort of sounds as if it would be tricky to be getting the calming endorphins when also getting the stimulating phenyl ethylamine. So, the trick is for both partners to be in the state at the same time? No wonder there's so many problems!
Comment from Charis1
I agree with the above, even though feelings can be so confusing and misleading at times. I wanted to ask you how people can deal with what their brain produces, like PEA and others, at times that the other person involved is not so into the relationship or even wants to stay at the friendship stage?
Comment from Scifiyank
Being in a business that caters to 98.5% women, I have hear and seen it all over the years. Many parts of this article I agree with. Many women I have observed kept cads, and cardboard Casanovas around simply because he was so "dreamy". Outside of his looks and charming ways (honed from years of unwitting women) there was nothing there, no respect, devotion, commitment, nothing. Part of the fact too, I believe, is that women are more sociable. They can not stand long periods of being alone or not having some male counter part to tell them they are special. So when they get this cad, they can not walk away because being in 10% of a bad relationship is still better than having 100% of no relationship.
So true. Hit the nail right on the head. If more people read this and understood what true partnerships are all about, there would be less divorce in this country because they would build relationships on a stronger foundation than lust.
Comment from gisele
Awesome. Thank you soooo much. I knew this but needed a reminder. I have a date tomorrow night with a gentlemen our 3rd date. And we are both feeling the "Physical pull” but refrain from attacking on it. Because it is what it is. No real substance yet to base any intimacy on I need to feel that deeper connection before getting carried away. We have talked about waiting awhile and just "ride the wave”. Thank you.
Comment from trako
Here's my two cents on your article: A good relationship is strongly based on the whole picture of physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and sexual chemistry. Great sex can only take you so far; if there's no deep connection, we all eventually start craving the indescribable enlightenment that comes from being intimate with someone you feel deeply connected to. On the other hand, being a "sack of potatoes" in bed can be a sure deal breaker for an otherwise great and potentially long lasting relationship. In the end, once you find someone you connect with, it's all about making sure you make a constant effort to make that special someone feel taken care of both physically and emotionally. It’s about the whole package :-)
Comment from Peaches
A short, but very informative article. This topic is relevant to males and females from 16 to 80 something. For most, we are searching for that combination and not just the existence of one of these facets to a relationship. I wish the guy I am dating sees this, too. Maybe he will tell me if we have both facets regarding relationship or if I am the only one who feels this way in the relationship. Thanks for the article.
Comment from red197503
This is a well written article. Not only did it open my eyes to the "relationship" I am in, but to all the previous ones as well. This article makes it easier to understand why we do the things we do.
Comment from brasileira
I understand and for most I do accept. Except when is used to keep what ever party "under" But It is good reading and it I learned something from it.
Comment from Sammie
FANTASTIC .. THANKS .. Sammie .. >
Excellent viewpoint and well supported by science - a must read for everyone who is dating.
Comment from jevan1
I'm not sure. Every woman seems to head for the hills!
Comment from iqbalvirk20032
Dear sir/madam, gone through the article and found very useful. It shows realities of our life in terms of chemistry. This article must b studied & followed by the teenagers who fall in love and against the wish of their parents go so mad for each other that don't hesitate 2 commit suicide
Excellent article! Thanks.
Great article! Thank you!
Comment from deltagurl
True love exists when there is a spiritual commitment not sex. When you are involved sexually you cannot think clearly or rationally and usually end up in relationships that are dead ends. Sex is reserved and intended for marriage. Anything short of God's plan will not fulfill or satisfy and will leave you empty and feeling used.
Comment from G
I have never developed "spiritual affinity" in a relationship. All my relationships have been based on intense feelings of chemistry and lust! It would be great to one day allow myself to develop a true, deep, soul-satisfying relationship.
Very useful, helpful and sensible. Thanks. Jennifer
Comment from Adina
Well written. I didn't know that chemistry was connected to brain substances. I remember reading about the difference between passionate and companionate love from social psychology. It said that a good analogy was fire. Passionate love is like a candle. It shines brightly, but burns out after a while. Companionate love is like a fire in a fireplace. It takes time to build a fire that creates warmth and not just intensity. What about the best friends becoming more myth? I only believe in it to a certain extent, with the whole it having to be best friends who are like the stereotypical neighbor best friends. That do everything together or at least a lot, and are like brother and sister enough to be able not to have it work. Where as the best friends that have never done anything outside of going to one's house, and taking about doing other things but other things always got in the way and stuff are a little more disconnected about stuff, so it's not over the line of becoming more.
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