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Chopping Down the Cherry Tree
As children, we were taught that a youthful George Washington chopped down a cherry tree. When confronted with the accusation, the future father of our country confessed all because, he said, "I cannot tell a lie." He would have been lying, of course, but the incident itself is a lie. Washington biographer Mason Weems invented the tale to humanize his subject, and teachers repeat the story to impress upon young minds the idea that presidents always tell the truth and we should, too.
By the time we’re old enough to die on a battlefield defending our country, we know that presidents and politicians lie about matters more serious than chopping down cherry trees. Today, with another George W. occupying the Oval Office, the United States has been chopping down Iraq, and terrorists in that region have been responding by chopping the heads off of innocent people.
The war, and the larger issue of terrorism, has made this year’s presidential election more important than most. The Bush-bashing MoveOn.org and the Kerry questioning Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, combined with heated debate concerning the Federal Marriage Amendment (FMA) and Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11, have made it the noisiest and most contentious in recent memory. At the center of the storm stand the boys from Skull and Bones, republican President Skull, and his democratic challenger, Senator Bones.
In a country of 300,000,000 people, it’s more than a little alarming that our choice of leaders comes down to a former drunk and layabout whose family connections saved him from working the drive-thru window at McDonalds, and his equally pampered rival, a man whose long face and grim countenance suggest a corpse on the run from the undertaker. Bones’ wife is a billionaire, but if you listen to their campaign speeches, these two don’t enjoy their wealth the way you or I would. They’re overwhelmed with concern for all those Walmart cashiers struggling to survive on $7.00 an hour. Some people believe them. To paraphrase P.T. Barnum, there’s a cherry tree chopped down every minute.
As long as we’re chopping down cherry trees, let’s take an axe to the biggest one of all, namely the lie that the U.S. has a government by the people for the people. In fact, we have a government by the rich for the rich. If we’re lucky, these "compassionate" souls, republican and democrat alike, will throw the common folk a bone, but only after their corporate rulers have eaten the meat.
Those of us in the gay community are lucky if we get the scraps of the scraps from the table. While we may pay more attention than most voters to each candidate’s stand on the FMA and civil unions, we’re not immune to the other issues boiling on the election year burner, including the economy, health care, and national defense.
Would anything be different, let alone better, with Bones?
Bones claims that everyone will have affordable health coverage when he sets up shop at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, but Clinton made a similar promise a decade ago and it was shot down by the medical industry and those workers who already had health coverage and feared their plans would be jeopardized by a government-sponsored program.
Unlike Skull, Bones is opposed to a federal amendment that would write discrimination into the Constitution, but the lanky senator from Massachusetts wasn’t present when his colleagues voted against debating the article. The spin doctors made their predictable diagnosis: Bones would be present when the amendment itself came up for a vote. Those of us who see past the spin think that’s a way to appease opponents of equality while not entirely offending its supporters.
Gays and lesbians are supposed to be happy because Bones has stated his support of civil unions, but in one of the flip-flops for which he is justly famous, he also voiced his support for an amendment in Missouri that forbids same-sex marriage and civil unions. No matter. Bones is endorsed by the Human Rights Campaign. Perhaps we’re supposed to believe he’ll come around to the idea of same-sex marriage and/or civil unions eventually. Just wait until he’s elected (wink). On second thought, wait until he’s reelected (wink, wink).
The fact that Bones has voted for and against the war in Iraq is the most alarming thing of all. Even if you despise what Skull stands for, he does stand for something, and is fairly consistent in his lies about that stance. Bones doesn’t stand. He leans in several directions. If he wins, the war will surely continue. Whether it needs to or not is the most pertinent question of all. Skull’s promise to fight it with "whatever it takes" likely means a return to the very draft he dodged by signing up for National Guard duty, but I’m betting young men will feel that gruesome breeze if Vietnam veteran Bones is elected, too. Skull and Bones are more loyal to each other than to the citizens they’re supposed to serve.
Ralph Nader is on the ballot again in some states. The "news media" did its job well four years ago by programming the public to believe Nader can’t win. A vote for the legendary consumer advocate is said to be wasted. Skull and Bones can win, but a vote for either one may be the most wasted of all.
I’m not going to try to tell you which of these puppets to choose, but I wish you luck in making the wisest decision you can. I do recommend that you hope, pray, and cross your fingers when casting your ballot. Every vote counts, but so does every superstitious gesture we can make. Whatever it takes, as Skull said. With any luck, we’ll live to see another election.
by Brian W. Fairbanks
 Back to Alt. Lifestyles
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