Romance in the Workplace

Most of us devote so much time to making a living that we probably see our co-workers more than our friends and families. It’s no wonder that the workplace is considered one of the best places to meet potential dating partners.

There are advantages. At work, you can introduce yourself to someone without worrying about whether or not they find you attractive. If there’s a hair out of place, or your clothes aren’t the most fashionable, it won’t matter much. Your relationship is strictly professional, and should be based on mutual respect rather than mutual attraction. With this in mind, you may feel less self-conscious than you would in a purely social environment. At a bar, or at a party, any approach you make to a stranger is likely to be viewed as a come-on which can make both you and the object of your attention feel slightly defensive.

Providing both of you work in the same department, you already have something in common. Making small talk should be easy. You can share your impressions of the workplace, your boss, your co-workers, and if you agree on most matters, it may seem logical that there’s a connection that can make for a successful relationship beyond the office doors.

But relationships in the workplace can be deceptive. You work, first and foremost, to make a living. You work to pay your bills, to keep a roof over your head, and food on the table. If you manage to reap any satisfaction from your actual work, good for you, but remember you need to make a living. Work is a necessity, not a luxury. And getting along with your co-workers is part of your job.

Can you risk blowing it all by becoming romantically involved with a co-worker?

There are, indeed, risks, and employers are well aware of them, enough so that some companies have policies in place to discourage its employees from dating each other. This Big Brother stance smacks of invasion of privacy, but its not hard to understand.

Who wants to go to work everyday and witness a pair of office lovebirds cooing into each other’s ears or gazing into each other’s eyes when their attention should be focused on their professional responsibilities? And what if the romance turns sour? Will the lovers be staring daggers at each other all day, making everyone around them uneasy, and perhaps interfere with everyone’s productivity? Hopefully, if anyone in your office is engaged in an after-hours romance, they’ll be more discreet and do their best to keep their romance private.

But what if you’re the one who’s dating a co-worker, or considering it?

Whatever unites you at work may not be enough to do the same beyond the office doors. Away from the peering eyes of your boss and co-workers, you may find that once you unwind, you have nothing in common. If it takes a few dates to discover that, you may find that you not only do not share similar interests, but that you don't like each other much at all. This revelation could infect your relationship at work. Even if the relationship succeeds, there's the possibility that you'll be whispered about behind your back. Should word get out that you and a colleague are sharing the sheets as well as a cubicle, you’re bound to be the subject of gossip.

But the real trouble will start brewing if the relationship ends on a sour note. Do you want to go to work everyday to face a co-worker with whom you were involved but who dumped you, or who was dumped by you?

Of course, it’s better to be involved with an equal. Dating the boss or an underling brings with it a completely different set of problems. There will be suspicions of favoritism if you’re promoted by a boss with whom it is known or even suspected you are involved. And if you’re doing the promoting, you can expect your other charges to view you with less respect than you’d like.

There is even greater cause for concern if you’re gay. Even if you work for a gay friendly employer, you’re still going to be the minority unless you're on the staff of a gay rights organization or a business strictly catering to your community. Your colleagues will likely see you as the token queer, a representative for the entire gay community. It’s an unfair burden to shoulder, but with the world at large still defining us strictly by our sexuality, it’s best to keep your sex life separate from your professional one, and let your colleagues get to know you as a complete human being first. Your sexuality is important, but there's more to your identity than that.

The workplace is not unlike high-school. If given the choice, most of us would likely avoid it if possible. But unless you work from home or are independently wealthy, it's a cross you have to carry for most of your life. The load will only be heavier if your professional life gets mixed up with your personal one. When five o' clock comes and it's time to go home, it's usually best to grab your coat and don't look back.

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