Ironically, there are many loving, committed couples who long for wedded bliss but are denied the legal right to experience it. Condemned for our alleged promiscuity on one hand, forbidden from legally entering into marriage on the other, gay men and lesbians are, to use a popular phrase, damned if they do and damned if they don't.

At this time, homosexual couples wishing for legal recognition of their love have limited options. Civil Unions for same-sex couples are now legal in Vermont. These unions provide the benefits of marriage including inheritance and child custody rights, but stop short of declaring the couple "married," a concession to bigots that nonetheless failed to avert controversy.

And the battles rages on. Opponents of gay marriage are pinning their hopes on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Still pending in many states, DOMA's title is Orwellian in the extreme. Rather than defend marriage, it forbids it for - who else? - lesbian and gay couples.

On the other side of the fence, the Marriage Project is working to eliminate such discriminatory practices. In 1998, the project introduced National Freedom to Marry Day, an annual event taking place on February 12, the official birthday of Abraham Lincoln. The day is set aside to educate the public about same-sex couples and to seek support for their right to marry.

Regardless of where we stand in the eyes of the law, there is no reason why gay and lesbian couples must deny themselves the hoopla and ceremony that heterosexuals enjoy once they've found their one and only. When true love blossoms, it's simply human nature to want to share your joy with others and to publicly declare it. For gay and lesbian couples, one option is a Commitment Ceremony.

Usually performed by a non-denominational minister, a Commitment Ceremony can cost as little as $100 and comes with all the accessories of a traditional wedding. There's a public ceremony in which vows are exchanged, a reception, and, of course, a honeymoon. Before marching down the aisle, gay couples should get a copy of The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings by Tess Ayers and Paul Brown, but much of what you'll need can be found on the web.

One of the most useful sites is twobrides.com and its sister site, twogrooms.com. These one stop shops for gay weddings were created by a mother who recognized the need for such an enterprise when her daughter chose to enter into matrimony with another woman. Here you'll find wedding rings, wedding bands, commitment certificates, cake toppers, wedding albums, and even Fairy Rose Napkins!

Of course, one of the most delightful aspects of a queer wedding is that the participants are free to define their own roles. A lesbian couple could just as easily choose to be bride and groom, and if a gay guy dreams of being a blushing bride and wants to say "I do" while wearing a gown, the choice is his to make.

But whether you dream of being a bride or a groom, remember that just as we can't legislate morality, neither can we legislate love. Gay love is just as valid and deep as any other. Celebrate and acknowledge that love with a Commitment Ceremony.

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