NO FATS! NO FEMS!

As you push yourself away from the computer and try to stand up, you might discover you're not exactly slim yourself. In fact, the only place you hang out now is above your belt. Your situation is serious, but not critical. Put away the Fritos, get yourself to a gym, and with time and commitment, the stud of old may return to turn heads another day.

But what if you're fem?

There are no exercises to remove the mince from your walk or the lisp from your talk, and your limp-wrist may only be corrected with surgery. You could stop buying your undergarments at Victoria's Secret, but no man will notice you exchanged your frilly pink panties for boxer shorts until you get him into bed. If your effeminacy is such a turn-off, that isn't going to happen. You might trade-in your fabulous Barbie dolls for a set of awesome G.I. Joes, but a sissy, no matter how lonely, would never consider that.

So what's a sissy to do?

Even now, thirty-four years after Stonewall, gay men are still seen as nelly: fluttering fairies who flounce about in dresses and high-heels and want to be girls. The image has been promoted in movies and on television ever since it was safe to acknowledge homosexuality at all. Token queens appeared as hair stylists, fashion designers, and decorators and were always played for laughs. Even now, Jack of "Will and Grace" is a fairy whose fey antics provide much of the show's fun. Gays offended by fems do not seem to mind Jack, perhaps because he's offset by the more masculine Will and he doesn't wear a dress.

The stereotype of the gay guy as fem sissy may have been perpetuated by heterosexuals, but it is not a heterosexual invention. Many gay men ARE effeminate. Because their effeminate manner reveals their homosexuality for all the world to see, the fem is, understandably, the stereotype for gay men. While those of us with less fluttery mannerisms "pass" in the straight world and safely avoid the taunts of "sissy," "fag," and "fairy," those who dare to act gay endure endless ridicule and even threats of violence. And today, the gay men who have forgotten that we owe our liberation to the drag queens of Stonewall, frequently shun fems, often in the belief that straight society will welcome gays with open arms as long as we don't act like fags.

But who are we kidding? A fag is a homosexual. As homosexuals, we are fags. These epitaphs may be intended as insults, but what is being insulted is our sexual orientation, not the mannerisms that advertise it. And though we may pass for straight, that pass is usually revoked when we found ourselves in an overtly masculine environment.

I didn't limp-wristedly mince through the hallways in high-school, but in gym class I was exposed as the pansy I otherwise pretended not to be. As the volleyball descended over the net and headed in my direction, I squealed in ways that would have embarrassed most girls. When my terror of the ball subsided and I tried to hit it (which, alas, I never did), it was obvious that I didn't need a wand to be a fairy.

As humiliating as such experiences were, deep down I was relieved to have been outed in this way. I was a fairy, but I lacked the courage to proclaim it. I secretly envied the blatantly feminine sissies whose homosexulity was apparent 24 hours a day. They were liberated. As a closet queen, I was not. The fems had no choice but to be brave. The rest of us did have a choice. Many of us chose to shun the fairies to win approval from those who would shun us if they knew we were gay. To them, a fairy is a fairy, a fruit is a fruit, and a fag is a fag, no matter how masculine we may pretend to be. So why pretend?

So what's a sissy to do?

Stand firm no matter how limp your wrists and be true to yourself. You are the very essence of all things gay. For every queer who shuns you, there are those of us who appreciate all you have to offer. You go, girl! But stay in shape. There are gay men who appreciate fat fems, but the dresses you love may be more readily available in medium or small than in extra large.

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