While browsing the "new releases" shelf at the local public library recently, my eyes were drawn to a little volume called "The 50-Mile Rule" by someone named Judith E. Brandt. It wasn't the title but the subtitle that caught my attention. You see, Brandt has written what she calls "Your Guide to Infidelity and Extramarital Etiquette." Yes, friends, a handbook for cheaters.

To anyone trying to find or maintain an honest, monogamous relationship, such a book is most unwelcome but I suppose it serves more than its intended purpose. Like one of those "Reverse Lookup" directories on the Internet, Brandt's little volume can be put to good use by anyone who suspects he/she is being cheated on. It also provides some useful insights into the mindset of an unfaithful partner.

Predictably, her book is written with the heterosexual cheater in mind. If a similar volume is available for gay men or lesbians, I haven't heard about it. Most people might be surprised to learn that infidelity could even be an issue for homosexuals, especially for homosexual men. We are widely believed to be promiscuous and as eager for multiple partners as all men are assumed to be. As Brandt writes, "Sperm is reasonably easy - and cheap - to produce, so males produce a lot of it and aren't loathe to spread it around." That's probably true.

Brandt's statement that "unless you have zero self-esteem or are just plain odd, you don't want to have sex with the same person forever and ever, you just don't" is probably true, as well, but there's also a lot of truth in that song by the Rolling Stones: You can't always get what you want. Like it or not, life is a series of compromises. We may not want to get up every morning and spend eight hours behind a desk or in a factory, but if we want the paycheck, we do it. We may not want to pay taxes, but unless a prison sentence turns us on, we do that too. There are rules to life and penalties for breaking them.

One of the rules of a successful relationship is that both participants must be honest with each other. Unless a couple agree in advance that they want an open relationship, cheating is an unacceptable violation of the rules, and that's true for gay couples as much as it is for heterosexuals, married or not.

There are certainly fewer risks for a lesbian or gay man who cheats than there are for heterosexuals. If married, the latter could face costly divorce proceedings when caught. If children are involved, the consequences are especially painful, not only for the culprit and his/her spouse but for their innocent offspring. But no matter one's sexual orientation or marital status, there is always one victim: trust. Once shattered, it can be as difficult to repair as Humpty Dumpty.

Cheat and get caught and you've not only damaged your relationship, you may have poisoned your partner's future relationships. If the wound is deep enough, he/she may view all prospective partners with suspicion, always asking him/herself the same question: "Will this one betray me the way the last one did?" And what about the offending partner? If you know you can't be trusted, can you ever really place your trust in a partner? Without trust, no relationship, even a platonic one, is likely to endure.

So, why cheat? Brandt makes her position clear. Marriage, and, one assumes, all romantic attachments are tantamount to prison. Sexual passion cools off with time and all you're left with is a mortgage and leftovers for dinner. Those who cheat are simply responding to natural biological urges that an oppressive society tries its best to suppress. In other words, those who cheat are not to blame. The true culprit is society.

That's nonsense, of course. Such a view is not only selfish and irresponsible, but immature and is held by those who are probably incapable of the emotional intimacy that an adult relationship requires. Don't get me wrong. I don't think there is anything wrong with having multiple sexual partners. But deliberate dishonesty is always a no-no. Unfortunately, a book like "The 50-Mile Rule" only encourages it.

If you know you'll never be satisfied with one partner for life, the honorable thing to do is to date like-minded people. It's the only way to be true to both yourself and your partner.

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