Getting that Office Relationship Working

Dear Brenda,

I have worked with this guy for a few years and there is an obvious attraction between us. I would assume he likes me and he has made it fairly obvious there is a slight interest, but, since he is a really nice guy -you can't tell if he really is interested in me romantically or just naturally nice to all. Particularly via email, even if I send a mass email joke - he will be the one to respond to it with a polite, cheerful remark. He is always there for advice in problematic situations with my new job/current management. For example, the past week, he emailed me that he spoke to Human Resources about available positions within the company. Then he proceeded to add a few jobs he found in The Star Ledger! He seems to really go out on limb for me! Not to mention he wrote that he wants to see me happy!

However, I have always shied away from office relationships due to people finding out, the gossip, and of course, if it doesn't work out between the two of you - it would damage the friendship. Although, it sure is hard to find a great guy who truly cares!

One subtle gesture that really took me by surprise was when he asked if I was doing okay during the last winter snow storm. Of course, I only responded with a sincere thanks because there really wasn't much more to say since where I live they've hired maintenance to plow our lots/driveways. Please advise on how to handle this situation.

I don't believe in making the first move, especially in work, not, to mention, I believe when a guy is truly interested he will think of a way to come into your life.
- JCTERR

Dear JCTERR,

Obviously this man likes you and you like him. In this day and age risking one's job to find out how a co-worker is doing at home is only left for true crushes or clearly established friendships. If you are from the old school and don't believe in making the first move, then you must also learn the art of being a lady receiving the advances of a giving kindhearted gentleman. So far your reception of his advances have been lukewarm at best. But it's never too late to turn that around.

If it's only been a few weeks since his last attempt at Sir Lancelot, send a thank you note telling him how much you have appreciated his taking the time both personally and professionally to help you out. Include that you will never forget his sweet phone call during the storm; it made you feel safer knowing that he had called. Let him know that though you don't often get the chance to tell him, that he is one of the bright parts of coming to work each day that puts a smile on your face. In closing, let him know that if he ever needs anything to feel free to call (don't forget to add your home phone number). Be warm to him in person and over the phone. And then, if he so much as offers to do ONE thing for you - even if you don't need it...say YES!!! At least let him get to a point where he can be alone with you without the prying eyes of your co-workers.

I am assuming you have already made the decision to have a taboo at-work relationship - which I think is fine. Sexual harassment and company policies have made developing real potential relationships difficult. But until you are engaged or married, use discretion. I wouldn't use company email to send love letters or subject others to public displays of affection in the coffee room. Save it for after work. No one at your office has the great fortune of hanging out with his/her significant other all day long - so please be sensitive to that. Until he makes the next move, practice the art of subtle flirting and greet him with effusiveness over the phone and big smiles in person. He'll get the hint. Good luck!

Back to advice archive