Does he just want sex?

Dear Brenda,

Since my sophomore year in high school I have been attracted to James...I never ended up telling him and then I hooked up with my current boyfriend Erin (we have been together for 1.5 years now).

Recently I ran across James and we started hanging out behind my bf's back. We have never done anything but I am very sexually attracted to him. About a week ago Erin found out that James and I were hanging out and told me if I see him again he will dump me for good.

Well, I am still hanging out with James, and last night he told me that he has feelings for me but he just really wants to have sex with me and that he knows I feel the same way... then he told me that he feels bad for what I am doing to Erin, and that made me feel really lousy. He also said he doesn't want to lose our friendship (but I personally don't think he gives a damn.)

I'm confused about him. I don't know if he just wants to do me or what... I don't know what to do. It kind of hurt me that he would say all that... but he obviously can read the signals I give him.. I REALLY love Erin and I don't want to hurt him, but I am really attracted to James, and I don't want to lose him as a friend because he's cool to hang out with....What should I do??? Stop seeing James completely or what?
- Alleykat311

Dear Alleykat311,

You sound like you aren't ready to handle a serious, committed relationship at this point in your life, so you might just want to think about sticking to casual dating.

Aside from that, I would be insulted if a man told me that I was only good enough to have sex with him. James may be honest, but he doesn't lack in bad manners, if you ask me.

Why don't you ask yourself what's really going on? Are you not physically attracted to Erin? Are you having other problems with Erin that you'd rather escape than deal with? Figure out what the problem really is before you make a hasty choice that you may regret later.

Of course, after you win, you could afford plastic surgery, a fancy hair cut, new wardrobe, and a new dye job.

Back to advice archive