Why Won't He Move for Me?

Dear Brenda,

I've been involved with this guy for 3 years now. I have followed from VA, to TX, to OH. We moved because of his job. Well, I'm only 22 so last year I moved to NE where my family was and started going to school. He's still in OH. He doesn't want to move here and refuses. Even if the company he works for there goes out of business (which is highly likely) he says he still doesn't want to move here! I've moved everywhere it seems like for him. I hate OH. There is nothing for me there besides him! The school I'm currently attending here is my dream school. I've sacrificed a lot for him and for his career. Why can't he sacrifice now and move here?

He wants to get married soon. So he says. But if he does, then why won't he just TRY this place? We see each other every 6 months for about a week. It's not enough.

Am I totally wrong? Should I just give up and move there?? Should I demand he move here or leave him? I have no idea what to do and need help.
- trili

Dear trili,

Some people choose to be in long distance relationships on purpose, so then they don't have to deal with the day to day of a real relationship or make any sort of concrete commitment. It sounds like your boyfriend could be one of those people.

You don't want to marry someone who:

1. Refuses to compromise (when you have), and
2. Isn't willing to make the effort and sacrifice to be with you, wherever you are, especially when there are no obstacles.

Think about it. Maybe it's time for you to write up a pros and cons list to see what's actually keeping you interested in him.

Side note: What's the rush to get married? You're 22 years old. Take things one step at a time. Be independent. Work towards your dream job. Travel the world. Doing these things will help you to become a better marriage partner when you do decide to settle down with the responsibilities of babies and home life, because then you won't feel like you're missing out. Many make this mistake in a rush to get married at such a young age.

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