Tearing Myself Apart

Dear Brenda,

Hello! I met a wonderful guy who has made me feel very special - something I haven't felt for a long long time. From the first date I learned that he really really likes me and it showed through some of the things he has done for me - flowers, taking me out, introducing me to his friends, taking me to show his house, his office, wanting to be with me every day, etc. He makes me feel good and I really enjoy the time we spend together until... last Monday evening he called me to say that he doesn't feel like it's going to work out. He likes me very much, he finds me a nice and a very interesting person but his heart is telling him that it's not right. It will probably happen in 2-3 weeks from now but then it will be worse because we will get even more attached to each other. So he finds it's better cut the ends now. He asked me to call or e-mail him and to go out later this week as friends or perhaps to talk about this in a more calm situation but when I asked him if talking about it over dinner instead on the phone will change anything, he said no and he doesn't know why.

It's been 2 days and I haven't heard anything from him. I am tearing myself apart thinking about him, seeing him online and not being able to say a hello. His friend e-mailed me to ask for help on finding a job for him at my firm but I don't even know what to do. Should I help him out when me and his friend are no longer considered to be going out? Also, another question is puzzling me day and night - Did he really mean when he said to call him or e-mail him or was it just one of the usual nice things to say when you are letting go of a girl? I would really want him back and wonder what's the probability of him ever contacting me. I miss him... I really do.
- nygiselle

Dear nygiselle,

How long were you dating?

Dear Brenda,

We dated for about 3 weeks. Everything was going so smooth and we fell to like each other right away. There were no any doubts about anything..... now I not only feel like crap but feel like i lost forever someone with whom i had so much fun...
- nygiselle

Dear nygiselle,

Three weeks isn't nearly long enough to be getting yourself into this state. Learn to take things slower so that you aren't in over your head emotionally in the future. A reasonable approach is anything short of about 3 months and you're just going on dates, you aren't in a relationship. And then if you want the "relationship," you have to talk about it and at least agree to date exclusively at that point. Otherwise its still just dating.

After three weeks, you don't even know the guy well enough to even miss him. What you really miss is someone romancing you. I think that's the real issue. And you will have that again. Just don't jump in so quickly next time. It takes time to know if you want to stick around with someone. That's what dating is. (or should be...)

Anything can go wrong in the first few months of dating, and people can and should end things if it isn't working for them. You've done that before, we all have.

As far as seeing this guy online? Acting like you could care less is the best revenge. He'll start to think something is wrong with him. ;-)

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