My big mouth ruined our friendship – Help!

Dear Brenda,

Okay, I think I screwed up big time. I have a friend, Candice, and I always go to her when I need advice on stuff like this or when ever I need her help in the love department. Quite frankly, she's probably my best friend in the world because of this. Unfortunately last Friday night I went to a party with her and another guy, Dave, in the hopes of meeting someone. Unfortunately the party really sucked and Dave and I spent nearly half the night just sitting around talking about various things. Eventually we got to talking about her and we both started cracking jokes about her.

An hour or so later he pulled her aside and told her about how I had been cracking jokes and talking about her behind her back, but conveniently didn't tell her about how he was also involved. She's hated me ever since, and when I tried to make amends, I apologized to her and pointed out the fact that he was also making jokes and saying things about her. He later admitted that he had, but amazingly enough she forgives him, and still hates me! I feel both betrayed by him and have doubt as to the friendship I have with Candice because she continues to detest me for what happened but has forgiven him for the exact same thing so easily. I need some advice as what to do because I don't want to lose Candice as a friend. Help me please!
- Greg

Dear Greg,

I suppose it’s possible that Candice is angrier at you because she felt you let her down, and she’s punishing you by forgiving Dave, whom she might not care that much about. I will say that it would have been mature of her to give you the benefit of the doubt rather than to believe Dave right off the bat.

I would consider Dave’s motivation. Perhaps he felt he needed to do this because he’s got it bad for Candice, and has the idea that she prefers you, (which might be true since she’s overreacting so much) and he felt that he needed to eliminate his competition. You really don’t know what he told her. Perhaps it was something worse. If he’s capable of what he did, he’s capable of making up anything to make you look bad.

Anyway, here’s what you know... Dave is a jerk, Candice is very stubborn, and you’ve learned not to badmouth your friends. I say give it some time, and she’ll realize what a schmutz Dave is, and come back to being your friend.

If that doesn’t appeal to you, then you might want to write her a letter stating that we all make mistakes, and perhaps mention the time that she did this... or that... and you forgave her... (I’m sure she’s not perfect.) If she still doesn’t budge, then you have to walk. Real friends will forgive you when you make a mistake or two, especially when you apologize profusely and sincerely.

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