Trying to decipher Miss Mixed Messages

Dear Brenda,

I've had an interest in one of my friend’s friends (if you know what I mean) for a while now. We've only met a few times, but a few Saturday nights ago we were having a good time down at a bar when I told her how I felt about her. From there, we snuck off and got pretty romantic with each other (that was fun). Later on, while we tried to get a taxi, we held hands and talked. During the night she told me we'd have to go out, and she also invited me to come on a holiday with her!

However, a couple of days later we met again with our other friends and she told me she didn't want a relationship! I felt really hurt, because I felt like I had been lied to even though we were both drunk that other night. She saw I was really hurt and tried to console me, but I just felt really ripped off.

One of my friends told her to call me a few days after this - and she did. We talked for a bit and tried to work things out. I told her I still wanted to go out with her (indirectly), but she didn't say yes or no, the impression I got was that she was sort of interested, but I would have to make the first move (She told me previously she didn't want a relationship with anyone - even Brad Pitt!  but she also said that she wouldn't have kissed me if she didn't find me attractive). I just said to give it time and see what happens. She said she wanted to see me again, and she didn't mind if I called her either.
I did ring a few days ago to wish her Happy Birthday, but she hasn't rung back. I know she's been busy working and stuff so I guess that’s why she hasn't called.

She also said she didn't want to make a commitment; she wanted to go out and have a good time with our friends. The thing is, I'm pretty sure we both like each other a lot and I want to take her out, but what can I do to achieve that? Thanks.
- Mark

Dear Mark,
I'm sorry, Mark, but plain English is going to have to do the trick here. Granted, she shouldn’t have led you on, but she did make a decision that she doesn’t want to pursue a relationship and she told you so. Believe me, if she wanted you, she’d be with you now. And not returning your call is rude, but perhaps that’s her way of driving a point home. It’s possible that it isn’t really you, but perhaps she’s not interested in dating anyone right now, like she’s said. So try not to take it personally. Realize that you can’t force what should come naturally.

Here’s another way to look at it. If you met someone, liked them okay, but weren’t sure one way or the other, and after a few days (of sobriety), decided that you weren’t that crazy about her, and yet she really wanted to make it work, wouldn’t you feel compelled to back off a bit? And if you were interested, wouldn’t you be with her right now rather than reading this?

I know it blows. But if I were you, I’d stop dreaming about Miss Mixed Messages and find a girl who’s really into you. And you know she’s out there, you just have to stop beating a dead horse and take a look around. Hell, you might even know her already.

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