He suddenly stopped calling – why?

Dear Brenda,

I was friends with this man for several months and then we started going out. We went on at least five dates and had a great time, and he told me that he really liked me, but then for some reason he stopped calling. It's been about a month since he last called. Since we work for the same company I still see him once or twice a week. He has never brought up why he stopped calling but every time I see him he is very nice and flirty and he always suggests that we get together. And it's for specific things like "I have a computer game at home I'd like to show you" or "Let’s go cruising" or something like that. I always say “ok give me a call” and he says he will but he never does. I saw him just yesterday and twice he suggested that we get together. A friend of mine thinks that he's trying to give me a hint that he's not interested, but I don't think that's the case. If it was, I think not calling for a month would be enough. And why wouldn't he just be pleasant and nothing else when we see each other? I don't think that constantly suggesting that we get together is a hint that he's not interested. I don't care to date a guy like this so the question is not should I date him, but why does he keep flirting and suggesting that we do things and telling me he'll call and then he never follows through?
- Janine

Dear Janine,
He's avoiding conflict. And... he doesn't want to date you. (or he would be dating you.) To analyze this situation, there are four reasons why a man would behave this way:

1. He’s terrified of closeness. He craves it but pushes it away at the same time. His ambivalence about intimacy causes him to send you mixed signals.
2. He’s struggling with sexual identity issues. He may be coming out of the closet. He could be shamed of his sexuality, which makes him afraid to express sexual interest. He could be suffering from a sexual dysfunction such as premature ejaculation or impotency.
3. He’s contemptuous towards women. He gets pleasure from teasing women knowing he’s never going to ask them out. He might have had an abusive or overly seductive mother and felt powerless growing up.
4. He’s involved with another woman. He’s emotionally healthy, and is interested, but the thrills of a seductive encounter with someone else (you) is not worth jeopardizing his current relationship.

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