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Help! I'm in Love with My Best Friend
Dear Brenda,
I'm in my late (and getting later all the time) twenties, and I am in love with my best friend. Over the last year, we've grown closer (with notable ups and downs) as friends, and I enjoy every minute of it. We've definitely had our share of special moments, but for the large part we've officially agreed that we are meant to be friends. The problem is that unofficially I can't accept it. She's more stubborn than anything; we're both casually pursuing other romantic interests - she's getting used (and going to get hurt when she finds out) and I'd ditch my flirt in a second. We have both said we love each other, and can say that with confidence, because we care and worry about each other all the time. We want each other to be happy, but it's frustrating as hell, because I KNOW what I really want. Not wanting to sound obsessive, (September 1st being the closest thing we have to an anniversary) it's been close to a year, and I am only more sure that together we can be happy. Argh.
- Pete
Dear Pete,
My take on this situation is, as frustrating as it may sound, if your girl pal told you that she just wants to keep things as is, then you are going to have to respect that. Now even though you feel that together the both of you could make beautiful music together, she isn't ready or willing. If you've been dating other women, and that doesn't bother her, then that should tell you something. The one fairly obvious (to me) reason as to why she isn't dating you boils down to one factor - she isn't physically attracted to you.
Don't feel too offended. The laws of nature work in mysterious ways. There are plenty of men that she is/would be/will be attracted to who wouldn't touch her with a telephone poll from across town. It's the laws of selection. Been going on for years, trust me.
Anyway, back to you. You have two choices, you can (a.) stay her friend, which for all you know could last the next twenty years, with the possibility that she'll come around one day, realizing what a great catch you really are… Or (b.) cut her loose, and seek someone who chooses to be with you, realizing your worth easily without putting you through any anguish. I'd choose (b.) Who knows? Maybe she'll miss you. Or fix you up with a fabulous friend.
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RELATIONSHIP ADVICE - ASK BRENDA
