|
Profiles: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Mainlente-51 wrote in asking to be featured in our weekly spotlight, so I took a look at his profile. His photo was fine, but his essay and subject line left something to be desired. So this is what I told him:
Dear Mainlente-51, I do want to feature your profile, but at the moment, it comes across as too negative and I think it might be scaring more than a few women away. I would suggest you replace all the negative comments with positive ones. You also need to talk about YOU. You are seeking something valuable, so you should let her know that you also have something valuable to offer as well. That makes sense, right? :-) Also, the subject line should be inviting, using a bit of humor and/or shock value to grab her attention.
Here, let me take a shot at it:
Before:
Dating Sucks - I don't look as old as my drivers license says I am, and I'd like to find a woman who doesn't look her age, either. I'm having a hard time finding the right kind of woman in my peer group. You know, the kind of woman who dresses too young for her age (but she's got the legs for it!); goes to the same hair stylist her daughter does; and still turns men's heads – both young and old. She's been elusive, but I know she's out there. The pretty women I've met have scared me. That's because I was afraid that if they opened their mouths too wide, their brains would've fallen out. Those that were intelligent were way too serious. And if they were funny, it turned out I was prettier than they were. Fun. Witty. Pretty. You'd think I was looking for the Holy Grail.
After:
Let's Go Dancing! - or - I'll Pick You up at Eight - I don't look as old as my drivers license says, and I would like to meet a woman who also happens to defy genetics. I'm searching for the kind of woman who dresses too young for her age (but who has the legs for it!); Who goes to the same hair stylist her daughter does, and still turns men's heads – both young and old. She's been elusive, but I know she's out there. I'm attracted to intelligent women who also have a fun, spontaneous side.
Then talk a bit about yourself, your interests, what you enjoy doing. For example:
When I'm not running a successful company, I like to spend my time skiing, dancing, exploring new restaurants, traveling to exotic locales, and working on my house/boat/car.
Finally, wrap it all up with an invite:
If you're also looking for someone honest, intelligent, and caring to spend time with and enjoy what life has to offer, then I'm your man. Let's talk!
Key Profile Points:
1. Keep your essay short and sweet. You want to capture initial interest, not give every detail of your life.
2. Talk about yourself, who you are, how you like to spend your time, what inspires you.
3. Mention the character traits and interests of the person you are looking for.
4. Close your essay with an "invite" such as: 'Let's talk!', 'Write me!' or 'I'd love to hear from you.'
Extra Tips:
5. Never say anything negative. IE: The classic "I hate game players" will keep potential interested parties from responding to your profile because it sounds too angry.
6. A sense of humor goes a long way. Making someone smile helps you stick out in their mind. If you aren't the life of the party, you can always check out rival profiles for inspiration.
- by Brenda Ross
 Back to Feature Articles
|
FEATURE STORY
