Crush On A Straight Guy

Dear Brian,
I am a 21 year old male. I had a crush on a straight guy and tried getting over him by doing my best to avoid running into him anywhere. It became easier when he left work. We never talked for two years until two months ago when I contacted him through email as a secret male admirer. We just kept chatting until I decided to reveal my identity. We met that night. He showed up really dressed up while knowing he's meeting a male admirer. He asked me to have a drink in a nearby bar, and he touched me four times on my leg and twice on my hand that night. He believes he's not appealing to people and wonders why I am attracted to him when I am more attractive and a model. That night, he showed a lot of indications that he might be gay or bi. He was curious about the gay community and said he hasn't been in a straight relationship for five years. I believe he's denying he's attracted to the same sex, but how can I be sure? What shall I do? I love him. I even dream of marrying him! - Not So Secret Admirer

Dear Not So Secret Admirer,
You can be sure he's denying an attraction to the same sex by his actions. Exhibit A: He agrees to meet a male admirer and he's dressed to impress when doing so. Exhibit B: He touches you on your leg, not once, not twice, but four times! And he touches you twice on the hand. My verdict, based on that evidence, is that he's gay. Maybe bi, but he was meeting a male admirer, so gay is more than likely the case. He's probably curious about the gay community because he suspects that's where he belongs, but is reluctant to take part in gay social activities for reasons that have nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with his own perceived lack of attractiveness. If you're a model, he would likely feel even more insecure about his appeal. But he did agree to meet you, and that shows he's interested. Maybe you should try doing the touching the next time you meet, and make it clear to him that he is desirable. Work on helping him get over his shyness by showing rather than only telling him of your attraction. Pursue him and don't give up unless he makes it clear, through words or actions, that he's not interested. So far, his actions clearly indicate interest, so you should find that encouraging. As for that straight relationship, I wouldn't be surprised if he's making it up. If he believes he's not appealing to people, he may not have been in a relationship at all, but is using that story as a cover to prevent being outed.

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