Gay Man Loves Bi Guy

Dear Brian,
I have a friend who is the best thing that happened to me in quite awhile. I guess I could say I am in love with him. I do tell him so, but we don't get to see each other as often as I would love to. He is Bi and I am gay. When we see each other it is the most wonderful and greatest time we have together. The only thing is that he lives with a girl and he doesn't want to break his relationship with her. What do I do? Should I dump him and find someone else? I am totally confused on this issue. I need your help!!!
- James

Dear James,
Whether or not you should dump him depends on what you are looking for. If you are satisfied with the wonderful times the two of you spend together, I see no reason to discontinue the relationship providing, of course, you are willing to share him with his girlfriend. But if you are, in fact, in love with him and are seeking something deeper and more exclusive, you may want to reconsider this relationship. Few people fall smack dab in the center of the Kinsey scale with an equal interest in heterosexual and homosexual relationships, and since your friend lives with a girl and wants to continue to do so, it would seem he is more committed to her than to you, and, therefore, more devoted to the heterosexual side of his personality.

One thing you might ask yourself is how open is he with his bi-sexuality. If the girl he lives with is aware of his relationship with you, and is accepting of it, you may be better off putting the brakes on this relationship before you move beyond the point where you "guess" you're in love with him, and are so smitten that jealousy and heartbreak enter into it. But if his relationship with you is a secret, something done on the sly, he could very well be gay rather than truly bi, and wants a girlfriend to keep up appearances for the sake of a career or his family. If that's the case, there may be some hope of establishing a more serious relationship, but it may take some doing to pry him from the closet.

Back to advice archive