Keeping The Men You Find

Dear Brian,
I am a gay male in my forties. My 'Coming Out' experience was painful, but I am ready to meet new men at this stage in my life. The only trouble is, I don't seem to get any responses from my ads. I try to be truthful and honest, but I guess I'm doing something wrong. All I've had is a couple of phone calls, a couple of dates, and I never hear from them again. I can't really send a picture on line because I don't have a scanner. Should I just keep on doing the same thing, or should I do something different? If it's something different, how should my ad read?
- Tired In Chicago

Dear Tired In Chicago,
If you've had a couple of phone calls and a couple of dates, your efforts to meet men have been successful. Your problem is keeping them interested. How did the dates go? Did you find the men you dated attractive? Did they find you attractive? Aside from being gay, was there a mutual interest in other activities? Were you relaxed and capable of enjoying the dates, or were you tense, nervous, and anxiously wondering how it was going? Were you looking for sex or a relationship? Were they looking for the same thing? These are questions you need to ask yourself before you can determine what went wrong. Chances are nothing really went "wrong." You simply haven't met the man whose personality and interests match your own. So, what should you do? Keep your profile honest and interesting. You can improve your prospects with a photo and you don't need a scanner. You can also mail photos to Date.com (they won't be returned, though) and we will scan and post them for you. There are plenty of places (Office Max, Kinkos, etc.) that will scan you photo for you and upload it to a disc for a small charge. Also, don't simply wait for men to respond to your profile. Search the profiles of other men. When you find one who intrigues you, send him an email to let him know. Whatever you do, don't despair. It takes time to find anything worthwhile, especially something as worthwhile as love.

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