Dating Can Be A "Drag"

Dear Brian,
I am a 29 year old male who has been a drag performer for the last ten years. I plan to go through the sexual reassignment surgery and have mostly only dated men who I've met in the clubs at the shows. My problem is that every guy that I have dated turns out to be a jerk who was living out some kind of twisted fantasy and ended up breaking my heart in the process. My last relationship ended 2 years ago and I still don't feel like I'm completely over it. At the same time, I am extremely lonely and feel the need to move on. Please give me some advice on getting myself back out there again without getting hurt again.
- Help

Dear Help,
You need to separate your personal life from your professional one. Make a rule not to date club patrons and stick to it. Drag queens often attract closeted men who can indulge their secret homosexual desires (often a secret to themselves) while denying they've taken a detour from heterosexuality because, after all, they're still with a "woman." The only successful relationships such men are likely to have are with their psychiatrists. You need to vary your social activities so you can meet a variety of men. Get out to some gay events - social, political, and otherwise - where you can meet men concerned with other issues beyond sex. Join a transgender support group (they do exist) where you can meet other men planning a sex-change. Share with them your experiences and get some moral support, as well as tips on how they meet men. And put your profile online. Don't just wait for someone to find you. Look for them. Whatever you do, don't dwell on lovers who have come and gone. Put your best foot forward and move on. Sure, there's always a risk of getting hurt, but that risk comes with beig alive, not just with being single.

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