How Can I Tell If I'm Gay?

Dear Brian,
I was wondering how you can tell if a man or teenage boy is gay? The reason I ask is because I am or I think that I am.  I really don't know and I was wondering how you would tell if I was gay and if you can help me find out if this certain person is gay because I think that he is but I am not sure, and I'm scared to ask him because I am shy... Well, thank you for your support and for answering me back.
- Wendell

Dear Wendell,
Knowing whether or not you are gay should be simple enough.  Are you more likely to subscribe to Playboy or Playgirl?  Are you attracted to men or women?  When you masturbate, which gender takes center-stage in your thoughts? If it's men, you, my dear Wendell, are gay.  Knowing whether or not someone else is gay is trickier.  Somewhat effeminate mannerisms are a dead giveaway but most gay men are as masculine as any other.  In that case, you can look for clues in his conversation.  Whether fem, butch, or somewhere in between, a gay man who wants to reveal his sexuality might express an interest in the Oscars rather than the Super Bowl.  I'm sure you catch my drift. 

More significant is what he doesn't do.  Does he have a girlfriend?  Does he have female friends at all and, if he does, do his relationships with the opposite sex seem platonic rather than romantic or sexual?  Even if the answer to all these questions is yes, what good will it do you if you're too shy to talk to him?  If he turns you on, if you want him, you'll have to put aside your shyness at some point.  My advice is to be brave.  Ask him to a movie, and not the latest action blockbuster but something with gay credentials (a musical like Chicago, a female drama like Far From Heaven or The Hours).  You don't have to make it sound like you're asking him out on a "date," but you can ask him in such a way that he can know what you have in mind while not being able to prove it in court. 

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