Could the "bi" guy be gay?

Dear Brian,
I read the advice about the Gay Man Loving Bi Guy and I can totally relate. My friend  tries to convince me he's straight even though we have had sexual experiences 15 different times. Other people ask me if he's gay or not all the time. They know I'm gay because I'm really open about my sexuality and don't mind people knowing. Not that I go telling everyone. My friend tells me he's had sex with a girl before but he's the only one who says so. None of his previous girlfriends say they did anything my bi friend said he did with them. So apparently he is trying to keep me from thinking he's gay - yet we do have sex, so there's no fooling me. Everyone sees him as gay because of the way he sounds - the stereotyped lisp talk. He's really rude to others by mocking their laughs and says whatever is on his mind like "that girl's hot" or highlights on something that just happened like how hot Janet Jackson was at half-time. It always sounds like he's trying to convince himself. We've gotten into arguments and he said that he knew where he belonged, unlike me (referring to my sexuality). I find that very offensive.

I keep my friendships as long as I can despite arguments... could it be that he's just gay? I try not to bring the subject up to him because every time I do it ends up chaotic. I'm the only one in the entire world who knows he is bi besides my family, and that's because he spent the night at my place and my family heard us. However his family doesn't know about him. He told me before that I ruined his life because someone came up to a member of his family and said I told him we were having sex. That was bad on my part, but this has gone on for an entire year. He's also the first guy I've ever been with. He always ends up single again because all his girlfriends finds that he seems gay and just hasn't come out yet. What are your thoughts on this?
- Dewey

Dear Dewey,
I think your "bi friend" is experiencing one of the most extreme forms of denial that I've ever heard about. He is GAY, GAY, GAY, but can't bring himself to admit it. Virtually every description of him you've offered not only makes it clear he's gay, but a flaming faggot with all the stereotypical attributes - the lisp, the bitchiness, the catty insults, etc - that we associate with the tart tongued queen. The fact that he's had sex with you 15 times (!) but can't produce a single female to verify his claims that he's had sex with a girl speaks volumes about his true sexual orientation. If he doesn't know he's gay, he's deluding himself. He may not be able to admit it to himself because he knows his parents would disapprove or he fears the reaction of his other friends, but the latter explanation doesn't seem likely if he has an openly gay friend. But he's GAY, all right! If you like him and are not turned off by his hypocrisy, fine. Personally, I think I'd want to distance myself from someone so phony.

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