Sleepless over him

Dear Brian,
I would really appreciate it if you can help me clear up my heart and my mind. I have a major crush on someone but so far I have been getting mixed signals as to whether he is attracted to me or not or whether he is even gay or not. We went out for lunch several times (it is very common here to go out for lunch with people), and our conversations ranged from our families, hobbies, to politics, and so forth, even though we really do not know each other that well at all. He said he had no girlfriend since he wanted to focus on his study and profession. Both of us remember small things about each other when they are mentioned once. We always have good eye contacts and he smiles a lot around me, even though we do not see each other much. So I emailed him to see whether he wanted to hang out on weekend, but he never replied. Once, after a conference, I invited him to come to the banquet and he said he would but was a no show. But earlier when he knew that I was going to the local theatre to see a play, he asked several friends to go with him (that was his first time there) and we had a nice chat during the break and he said he would look for me after the show. Whenever we run into each other, we have special hand gestures for greeting which I never see him using to greet others. The question is: am I just fantasizing all this? I doubt it. I think he might be an eagle scout (I am not sure) and this obviously makes things worse. Should I pursue him at all or email him again? Please help!
- Crush Is Not Fair

Dear Crush Is Not Fair,
A crush, like full-blown love itself, isn't fair. You know how you feel (and sometimes one's own feelings are confusing), but are often mystified by the signals that the object of our affection is sending. It's a puzzle, and must be solved piece by piece. The pieces you have provided sound encouraging. Remembering small things about a person you don't know really well is indicative of being interested in that person. So far, so good. The eye contact, the smiling - place those in the plus column. Not replying to your email invite to hang out over the weekend sounds like a minus, but it could be a plus in disguise. He likes you a lot but is feeling shy about really moving forward with his attraction. Same with the banquet. The theater incident may be the piece that gives us the answer. He may not have been planning to attend at all, but wanted to be there because he knew it gave him a chance to see you. Inviting those other people was a way to cover his tracks, a means by which he could still feign disinterest. If, as the subject line of your message states, you are sleepless over him, continue the pursuit. He's probably shy. We all are to some degree or another when we like someone but may not be sure whether it's safe to admit it. The fear of rejection often keeps us from making the appropriate moves. My advice: pursue him some more. If necessary, be a little bolder in your advances so he can't possibly miss the point.

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