Mixed signals from new neighbor

Dear Brian,
I am a 52 year old who has a big crush on a 32 year old. We both work at the same place and share many common views. I know he is gay, but he does not know I am. I have a feeling he thinks I am gay but has never said anything about it. I befriended him when he started working at the same place over a year ago, and I thought we had become good friends. I have gotten many mixed signals from him and don't really know how to interpret them. We usually have very good eye contact and communicate very well. On two different occasions, while conversing, he has very briefly touched himself in the groin. I don't know if this was a common instinct or some sort of a signal. The most confusing aspect is that he has just recently bought a home two houses down from where I live and hasn't even bothered to call or let me know that we are neighbors. He had mentioned the possibility of us being neighbors and asked how I felt about it. I told him I thought it was great. We have been neighbors for a week now and have not communicated. I get the feeling he does not want me to bother him and I have chosen to do just that. What do you think?
- elenamorado_B

Dear elenamorado_B,
If you get the feeling that he does not want you to bother him, you are right to respect what you perceive as his wishes. Since you’re friendly at work, he might be worried that you’ll become a nuisance after hours, dropping in on him unannounced, expecting him to abandon his plans for the evening to accommodate yours. He may simply be protecting his privacy. Now, about the gay thing. The signals he has sent you are, indeed, mixed. Eye contact is always a clue, but there is a difference between the eye contact we engage in when conversing with someone, and the eye contact we make when there’s a sexual attraction. The latter kind is not only longer but more intense. It threatens to become uncomfortable and if the interest is not mutual, it usually is uncomfortable for the one who does not share the attraction. The best thing to do to determine if there is interest on his part is to initiate the eye contact. Hold his gaze much longer than you normally would in a typical encounter with a co-worker. If he repeatedly turns away, chances are he’s not interested. As for scratching his groin, does he do it in an overtly sexual way, you know, kind of slowly and sensually, perhaps accompanied by audible sounds of pleasure? Or does he simply scratch himself publicly the way a rude, socially inept person would be inclined to do? If you’re interested in him, you'll simply have to make it a project to determine whether it’s mutual. The signals he has sent so far are rather vague and open to interpretation.

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