Perplexed in Corpus Christi

Dear Brian,
I'm a gay man in his 40's, am pretty decent looking, (everyone thinks I'm 10 years younger), but I have this strange problem; I somehow keep attracting women and can hardly ever get a guy to even talk to me nonetheless get a date. I go to gay clubs often and it gets depressing dancing by myself. I am a very soft, gentle and romantic person who needs a lot of affection and foreplay before sex. It’s getting to the point I'm considering hiring an escort; its been so long I'm just dying to hook-up. Please help I don't understand what is wrong.
- Paul732

Dear Paul732,
If you’re a “very soft, gentle and romantic person,” gay clubs may not be the best place to search for a relationship. I hate to make sweeping generalizations, but the clientele at the average gay club is probably looking for sex first, and a relationship second, if at all. Even if a relationship develops, it will likely come only after a sexual experience or two, and not necessarily ones designed for a romantic person who is looking for affection. I won't tell you to stay out of the clubs, after all, there are sincere, romantic guys hanging out, but you may not always be able to separate them from the studs looking only for action.

First of all, I would suggest that you take the initiative if you’re not doing so already. If you see a man who lights your fire, offer to buy him a drink. Ask him to dance. Be the hunter, and not strictly the prey. If you’re already been doing that, I would advise you to expand your social horizons. Move on from the club scene and seek out your local gay community center (if one exists in your area). Gay and lesbian community centers not only engage in activism, often organizing political efforts on behalf of issues important to our community, but frequently host movie nights, networking events, and even educational programs. The advantage is that even if you’re looking for a relationship, you won't be risking rejection as much as you would in a situation where everyone is on the prowl. And don't forget Date.com. If you don't have a profile online, get to work on one. If you keep attracting women, I see no reason why you can't attract men, too.

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