Does Age Make A Difference?

Dear Brian,
I have been seeing a young man now for over a year. I am 51. He is 22. I have taken him on trips, I spend a lot of time with him, and we have great sex together. On one trip I told him how I really felt about him and he seemed to back away from me for awhile and refused to see me for a month. Now we are seeing each other again and the relationship seems to be better now than before. I am afraid to use the L word anymore because I am afraid I will lose him again. I have spent several thousand dollars on him and tried every way I know to show how much I really care for him. He does have a drug problem and has been in jail and, of course, I have always come to the rescue. He’s back there now. He still has his young friends. That does not bother me at all. He also informed me that I am the only sex partner he has had in a long time. He seems to think that I am just too old for him as a boyfriend/mate. I have told him on several occasions that age should not matter. It’s what in the heart that counts. He keeps his gay lifestyle as much a secret as possible, as I do also. I feel deep in my heart that we really belong together and I could help him make a new life for himself if only he will give me the chance. He still lives with his mother and she has no idea about him or me. What else can I do to convince him of how I feel and that we need to try to start a new life somewhere else on our own? I have told him to that if he finds a younger man he wanted. I would be willing to let him try but don't think he could find anyone else that cares for him as much as I do. I have offered to move him to the place he loves most when he gets free this time. He is thinking it over right now and I hope he makes the right decision. So am I too old for him or is he too young for me?
- lonely210

Dear lonely210,
Age shouldn’t make a difference when the partners love each other. When they don’t, or when the love is one-sided, age can make a difference, more often than not to the younger member who usually has more options and can find a lover with less effort. I think you really must face the possibility, even probability, that though you love him, he doesn’t love you and may be taking advantage of your feelings for him. A 22 year-old who lives with his mother, has a drug problem, and has been to jail, is going to find it very hard to resist a man who spends thousands of dollars on him, takes him traveling, comes to his rescue, and is even offering to set him up in his own apartment. Whether you know it or not, you do appear to be his sugar daddy, and he’s with you only to satisfy his sweet tooth. If he told you that you’re too old to be his boyfriend/mate, give him credit for being honest with you. Now, you have to be honest with yourself. You may love him, but it doesn’t sound as though he loves you. Is a one-sided relationship worth your time and emotional investment? I would suggest you answer that question before you spend another dime on him.

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