Is My New Boyfriend Drifting Away?

Dear Brian,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about three months. We met online and talked for about a month. After that, we went out on a date and then after 3 dates we became boyfriends. Now this is my first relationship with anyone (I know I have been sheltered) and I am developing deep feelings for him - and I am scared that he will break my heart. I think this way because he has changed. At first we would always talk on the phone and send text messages. After we became boyfriends, I saw him everyday for one week. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. But now we rarely see each other and sometimes we don’t talk for a day or two. I am justifying it because he works a lot (from 7am to 6 or 8pm) and he is tired, and he rarely has a day off. I have told him that I am developing feelings for him and he has told me that he won’t hurt me. What do I do, Brian? Stay with him or break up?
- Dracos

Dear Dracos,
He says he won’t hurt you, and he’s probably sincere, but those who hurt us rarely do so deliberately. They hurt us because they lack the courage to tell us the truth about how they feel. He may not want to hurt you, but it does sound like he’s drifting away. I sense that he didn’t really know what it meant to have a boyfriend, and once he had one, he realized he couldn’t handle the commitment. The amount of time he devotes to work may be the problem, but why wasn’t it a problem before? Did he start a new job after he became involved with you? If you don’t want your heart broken, you should insist he let you know where you stand. Does he want a boyfriend or not? If the answer is yes, he should find some way to make more time for you. If the answer is no, he should tell you so you can move on before you fall for him harder than you have already.

View Readers' Responses
Find out what others thought about this article

Back to advice archive