Playing A Waiting Game

Dear Brian,
Here's my situation. I'm 29 years old and about 8 months ago, I met a guy (five years older) at a work function and we hit it off. For the next five months we emailed often and had lunch together a couple of times, basically as friends. I didn't know he was in a relationship at the time, but he was, although the relationship he was in was not a good one. They were together for seven years, but the last year and a half had not been good for either of them. In early October, I went to hang out with him and some of his friends and I'd found out that a month or two earlier he and his ex had finally called it quits. They were still living together, but he was moving out at the end of the month. Two weeks later, we went out to dinner and then joined up with some of my friends.

Later that night, we went to my apartment and he kissed me. For the next two months or so, we talked every day and hung out several times a week, things were going very, very well (as he stated). We we're seeing each other and I was falling for him hard! We had a great emotional bond and he would often tell me how much he really liked me and how well things were going. He told me he was glad for everything that we have together and glad that I was in his life. I even got to meet his parents. Everything seemed to be going so well and then mid-December he came over and told me that he really likes me and cares deeply for me, but he needs more time to himself and to be alone, and ended our relationship. He realized that he doesn't have full closure yet and he needed more time, for himself and to be alone, but he still wants to be part of my life. It hurt and I didn't know where his revelations came from. The previous two nights we'd spent together (and everything was great) and then that Thursday it seems like everything changed and I don't know where he got this realization.

For the next two weeks we talked on the phone everyday, sometimes up to two hours in length. And then last week, I left him a message and never heard back from him, and now he has cut off all communication. I know he needs time alone and time to heal, but I want to know if there is a future for us. I think we have a great connection built up and I'd hate to lose it, I really like him a great deal. We compliment each other very well and bring out the best in each other. But I don't know where we stand and what the time table is for us potentially getting back together. I know that I just need to wait it out and let time handle everything, but it's all so uncertain. Any help you can give would be greatly appreciated!
- Desperately Befuddled

Dear Desperately Befuddled,
If you wait it out and let time handle everything, you may find that the wait was for naught. Unless you hear from him within a month of your breakup, I would move on because it's possible he's moved on and won't be calling you back. If he abruptly cut off all communication with you, I wouldn't be surprised if he patched up the differences with his previous boyfriend and is back with him. He may not have found closure at all, so it's important that you find some of your own. It sounds like you really hit it off and had something nice for awhile, but I would let it go. Start looking for another man. The sooner you resume dating, the sooner you can take your mind off this guy. If he comes back into your life at some point, and has found the closure he was seeking and wants to start anew, fine, get back with him. But don't wait for him. Time waits for no one, so don't wait for time. Sometimes it handles things. Too often, it doesn't, and we have to handle things ourselves.

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