Can S&M be romantic?

Dear Brian,
"I had been in a committed relationship with another woman for 15 years!!! we always said we were going to grow old together, etc. She is 47..I am 42.. The past 7 years have been totally unintimate, unsexual, etc where I couldn't tolerate it anymore!!! We talked about it, been to counseling, yadda, yadda..turns out she was into being a dom when I met her. She claimed she didn't need that in her life anymore especially with me! She was suppressing her feelings all of that time! We both admit that the sad truth is we are still in love with each other in a different kinda way. I do not want to have an S+M lifestyle as I am very romantic type. I am wondering if I should be her love "slave" every once in a while...Do You Think that that may bring the "kindle and fire" back to what we once had??? PLEASE RESPOND ASAP CAUSE I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVICE ON THIS!!! "  
- To sub or not to sub

Dear to sub or not to sub,
All stable relationships involve a certain amount of give and take with each partner choosing to accomodate the needs of the other. But if your needs are diametrically opposed to your partner's and vice versa, compromise becomes sacrifice, and the relationship, if not doomed, is almost certain to be unhappy. If it's true that your partner was suppressing her dominant nature rather than having outgrown it, as she claimed, she must have also been suppressing a lot of frustration. If she needs to be a dom, why not indulge her a bit by playing the role of her slave at times? Submission to a dominant lover may not be romantic in the same way as holding hands and watching the sunset, but it can be romantic in the sense that all romance involves a touch of fantasy. Give it a try, and as long as she's willing to provide you with more of the traditionally romantic moments you crave, your relationship may actually thrive. You may find that you've got the best of both worlds.

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